Seems like a lifetime
by hollymarie4
Summary: Love knows not what time is...
1. And so it begins

Since I was eleven I knew that I was different.

I mean I kind of knew before then, but eleven was when it really hit me. It all started on the first day of sixth grade.

Her name was Ashley Davies and the moment I saw her I got butterflies in my stomach.

I couldn't figure out why at first but soon did.

I was in homeroom sitting in the back of the classroom reading my schedule when she came in, there was only one desk empty and it was right next to me.

She came in and sat down.

I remember feeling as though my heart would jump out of my chest and trying so

hard not to show it.

My hands were clammy and I was sweating.

"Hi, I'm Ashley," she said confidently.

"I'm Spencer," I replied nervously.

"So are you from around here?" she asked.

"No, I'm from Ohio actually." I answered.

"Oh really? Is there much to do there?" she inquired.

"No, not really, I'm from a really small town of only like five hundred or so people." I replied.

"Wow, so everyone must know everyone right?" she asked smiling.

"Yeah, I guess you could say," I replied.

The more we talked the more my stomach did summer salts.

Luckily for me, homeroom would be over soon.

After homeroom, I walked to my next class making my way through hundreds of students unlike my

old school where you could do backward flips down the hall and not touch anyone.

I made my way into my first period trying to forget about Ashley only to find out that we had the same class.

"Hey!" Ashley yelled from her seat, waving as I entered.

There were plenty of open seats but she was gesturing for me to come sit next to her and I didn't want to be rude.

Besides I didn't know anyone else anyway. "What are the odds that we'd end up having the same first period?" she asked happily.

"1 in 9," I replied. "Being that there were only nine first period classes for the sixth graders to choose

from."

She laughed a little.

I guess she thought that was a joke.

"Let me see you schedule," she commanded.

I took my schedule out of my notebook and handed it to her.

"Ahh..." she screamed softly. "We have the same lunch and the same fourth period, this is so awesome."

"Yeah," I replied, "Awesome."

The teacher came in and beckoned us all to settle down and take our seats.

He was a white man in his mid 50's with really yellow teeth.

I remember because we called him Mr. ButterMouth.

Never to his face of course.

Anyway, all throughout Mr. Bradfords class I found myself looking over at her, kind of studying her.

The way she took the eraser off all her pencils so she could chew the end, the way her hair was kind of fluffy on one side and kinda flat on the other, the way she drew hearts in the top corner of all notebooks and the way she...

_DING DING _

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing.

"So we'll meet up at lunch okay." she stated.

"Okay," I replied.

* * *

I couldn't concentrate my next two periods before lunch, not that I paid attention in first period either.

So I can't concentrate when she's in my class and I can't concentrate when shes not.

This is going to be a long year, I thought to myself.

At lunch I found myself searching for her and when I couldn't find her I sat at a table in the corner by myself.

A few minutes later I felt someone come and sit down beside me.

I didn't notice her coming because I had my head buried in my book to seem as though I intended on sitting alone.

"Did you miss me?" she asked.

"No," I responded playfully.

"Really? So pretending to read, is that something you do often?" she asked smiling.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I was watching you from the line, you didn't turn the page once and plus your eyes have been focused on one spot the whole time," she answered.

"There is no way you saw my eyes from way over there." I responded.

"Okay, okay. The book is upside down." she said with a huge grin on her face.

I looked at my book to realize she was right.

Crap.

I wonder how many other people noticed.

We both giggled.

"So you did miss me then right?"

"Never mind that, where were you?"

"You missed me a little I know, its okay you don't have to admit it. But I got in trouble for talking in class."

"Wow, on the first day," I said sarcastically.

"Well it was your fault."

"How was it my fault, I wasn't even there."

"It's your fault because I was talking about you." There goes those butterflies again.

Why was she talking about me?

What was she saying?

Better yet who was she saying it to?

A few moments later my questions would be answered with the arrival of a brunette haired, brown eyed boy at our table.

A boy I'd never seen before, well then again I'd never seen any of these kids before.

Who was he and what did he want? And why was he interrupting my time with Ashley?

"Hey Ash. And you must be Spencer. I'm Aiden, Ashley's best friend." He said as though he was trying to stake his claim.

"Yep, since like the first grade," Ashley added.

"So, I heard you were from Ohio." He stated.

"Yeah, so you must be Ashley's partner in crime?" I asked playfully.

"Huh," he asked.

"I told her we got in trouble for talking in class." She stated.

"Oh, yeah that was so not my fault, she just wouldn't shut up about you. Spencer this, Spencer that."

Ashley hit him on the arm playfully.

"Oww," he shrilled. I couldn't help but laughed, he kinda screamed like a girl.

"So Spencer, what's Ohio like?" he asked.

"Good God Aiden, you're going to bore the girl to death with your lame questions."

"You asked me the same questions this morning," I added playfully.

"Thats why they're so boring, I already know the answers." she smiled.

We all laughed.

The bell rang and it was time for fourth period.

Ashley and I had the same fourth period so we were alone again, well us and 25 other students but it felt like we were alone the entire hour and a half.

We spent the entire period writing notes to each other.

I couldn't tell you one thing the teacher said.

She started with the note thing first.

"What are you doing today after school?" she wrote.

"I'm not really sure," I replied.

"Well do you want to hang out with me and Aiden?

"Um, yeah sure, I just need to ask my parents if its okay." I responded.

"Okay cool, so here's my number just call if you need a ride or you know, whatever.

Even if you can't come you can still call." I smiled.

"Okay, heres my number too." I took out a second sheet of paper to write her number down then handed her back the note. She smiled then shoved the note into her pocket.

The bell rang and the first day of school was over.

"So, I guess I'll see you later," she said smiling as she disappeared into the flow of students headed towards the parking lot to catch their rides.

What a day.


	2. Lifestyle of the rich and the famous

I knew my mom would be a little late picking us up because she was getting off work later than usual.

So my brothers and I just waited.

We moved here about a month ago when my mom got an Attending position at the county hospital.

My brothers are both 13, they're not twins, one was adopted by our family when he was 6, his name is Clay and my other brothers' name is Glen.

They went to the same school as me but I never saw them because they were in the upper school building.

Fifteen minutes later my mom showed up and we headed home.

"So how was school?" mom asked as we were entering the house.

"Good," I replied.

"Make any new friends," she inquired.

"Actually I did," I answered.

"Oh, thats great sweetie. How about you boys, make any new friends today?"

"Glen did," Clay responded. "Lots and lots of new friends," he added.

" That's good, see I told you guys it wouldn't be that hard to make new friends didn't I?"

Poor mom she didn't get it.

"Speaking of new friends, can I go hang out with mines?" I asked.

"Where are you guys going?" she pestered.

"We're just going to hang out at the house."

"Can I at least know their names?"

"Ashley and Aiden."

"Will there be adults there?" she bugged.

"MOM! I guess, yeah, since we're only eleven I'm sure there will be."

"Okay sweetie you can go, just be sure to be home by seven for dinner. Do you need a ride?"

"No I'm okay." I ran up the stairs and shut my door, I usually only shut my door when I'm doing something I know I'm not supposed to be doing, so why

did I feel like I was doing something wrong by calling Ashley?

"Hello?" A man's voice answered.

"Yes, is um Ashley there?" I asked.

"Yeah, hold on. ASHLEY!" he yelled.

"Hello," she answered.

"Hey, its me Spencer."

" HEY Spencer!" she sounded happy to hear from me.

"My mom said I could come, but could I get a ride?"

"Yeah sure, where do you live?"

"At 7215 Oak drive."

"Be there in ten."

"Okay," I replied.

I waited outside on my porch for her and 10 minutes later a limo pulled up in front of my house.

I stood on my porch unable to move.

I was from a small town in Ohio, I had never seen a car like that before.

The back window rolled down, Ashley stuck her head out and yelled something I couldn't quite make out.

I think I stood on the porch for 5 minutes before I finally walked over to the limo.

Ashley opened the door and pulled me in.

"What the hell?" I asked.

"What?" she replied smiling.

We pulled up to a house three times the size of mines.

"Is this Aidens' house?" I asked.

"You could say that, he's always here." She responded.

"Wait so you live here?"

"Yeah."

"So, what, are you're like rich?"

"Uh... No, but my dad is I guess, he's Raife Davies."

"Shut up! My dad loves your dad." I said.

"That's good to know." she said smiling.

We got out the limo and went inside.

It was the most beautiful house I'd ever seen. I think Ashley could tell I was in awe because I think I saw her look at me and laugh a little.

"Come on," she said pulling me up the stairs to her room.

Aiden was watching T.V.

"Hey Spencer," he said not turning from the T.V.

"Hey." I replied.

"Aiden turn the T.V off." Ashley commanded.

"What, why?" he asked.

"Because we're going to play a game," she answered.

"But the Pokemon are about to battle." he cried.

"Aiden, turn the T.V off. We're gonna play a game."

"Oh alright," he said defeated.

"What kind of game?" I asked.

Ashley got up and shot the door.

"Truth or Dare," she replied.

We all sat on the bed.

"Okay, I'll start," Ashley said.

My heart was racing.

If I'd never seen a limo you know I've never played a game like truth or dare.

"Truth or dare Spencer?" My throat became dry.

"Spencer, Truth or dare?" she asked again.

"Um, truth," I said barely able to breathe.

"Okay, is it true that you haven't had your first kiss?" she asked smiling.

I looked over at Aiden who was also smiling.

It was true, I'd never kissed anyone before, I mean we were only eleven, who had?

I didn't want to sound lame, so I just lied instead.

"No, I've kissed a guy before."

"Really, when?" she asked.

Aiden looked bored.

"Can we move on now please?" I begged.

"Fine, its your turn then."

"Okay, Truth or dare?" I asked Ashley.

"Dare, and call me Ash," She replied.

"Okay, I dare you to kiss Aiden."

She looked at me then at Aiden, the back at me smiling.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Oh, you don't have to I just," I was cut off mid-sentence by Ashley grabbing Aiden's face and kissing him hard.

It was obvious she'd made out with a guy before.

They kissed for a couple seconds, Ashley turned and looked at me.

"We've made out so many times before, that was nothing." she blurted out.

"Oh, are you two like a couple or something?" I asked.

"God no, we just play a lot of truth or dare," She replied.

"So, I guess its your turn Aiden," I said.

"Awesome. Okay Spencer, truth or dare?" he asked.

"Pick dare don't be a square." Ashley joked.

"Okay dare, " I smiled.

"Great! I dare you to make out with Ashley." he said proudly.

Smile gone now.

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

This is not happening.

"We don't have to if you're not comfortable with it Spencer," Ashley said softly.

"But there will be consequences." Aiden said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"It's stupid, you don't have to, Aiden maybe thats enough." Ashley pleaded .

"You have to tell 3 truths for every truth you don't answer and you have to take off an article of clothing for each dare you don't do." Aiden stated.

"But you didn't know the rules so, you don't have to." Ashley said politely.

"It's okay, I'll do it." I told them.

"You will?" Aiden seemed surprised.

"Yeah, really?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah," I responded.

"Awesome, okay, I said make out not kiss, so it has to last at least 10 seconds, and tongue is optional." Aiden said smiling.

"Don't be an ass Aiden." Ashley said becoming visibly annoyed with him.

"You ready?" she asked me.

"Yeah," I replied lying.

We moved closer to each other as Aiden put up ten fingers to initiate the countdown.

"Okay, three, two, one, go," he said as our lips met.

My heart was beating so fast, my hands were sweating, I couldn't breathe.

I know she could feel my pulse through my lips.

As Aiden counted down it seemed as though time was moving in slow motion and instead of seconds it was minutes.

About five seconds into the kiss Ashley slid her tongue into my mouth.

I panicked, I'd never kissed anyone before so I had no clue what to do, so I did nothing and eventually it was over.

We pulled away from each other.

I looked at Aiden who was smiling.

I guess he'd never seen two girls make out before. Then again neither had I.

I couldn't look at Ashley for the rest of the night.

As the night went on it became awkward so I lied and said I had to be home at six for dinner.

I mean it was only a small lie, really it wasn't even a lie at all, I did have to be home for dinner.

I called my mom and asked her if she would come and pick me up.

I gave her the address and went on the porch to wait for her.

As I was waiting on the porch Ashley came outside and sat down beside me.

"We could have given you a ride home you know."

"Yeah, its cool my mom should be here in a sec."

"Spencer about earlier." she started.

Oh God, we're going to talk about how bad of a kisser I am.

Mom where are you.

"I know that..." she was interrupted by mom honking her horn.

Thank you God

"Um, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow." I said walking towards the car.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." I got in the car and we went home.

When dinner time did actually roll around I wasn't that hungry so I lied and told my mom I wasn't feeling good and I would eat dinner later.

The truth was I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss and how Ashley had to know that I never kissed anyone before.

I barely got any sleep that night.

I kept replaying the kiss in my mind.

And when I finally did fall asleep I still couldn't escape her.

I had dream about it too, only in my dream it went beyond just a kiss.

What did all this mean...


	3. It's beginning to get to me

The next morning I woke up in a cold sweat.

I couldn't figure out what was happening to me, what all this meant.

I got ready for school and went downstairs.

I wasn't really hungry but my mom insisted that I eat because I missed dinner.

So I did.

When we got to school, I, out of the blue, got a migraine.

I went into homeroom hoping Ashley wouldn't be at school, but of course she was and was sitting in the same seat as yesterday.

Actually everyone was, I guess the seat you pick on the first day is your seat for the rest of the year.

I went and sat down next to her.

"Hey Spence," she greeted me.

"Hey," I replied.

"Look about last night." she started.

I thought I had escaped this.

"I'm sorry Aiden was being such a jerk, sometimes I forget he's a guy and is into those type of things." she stated.

What things exactly?

"The whole girls making out." she said.

Oh God, did I say that out loud.

"But anyway, I'm really sorry." she said sympathetically.

"It's cool, it was no big deal," I replied lying.

Actually it was a really big deal.

If I didn't know any better I would swear that when I said that an ounce of sadness came over her and it showed on her face.

"Okay." she replied looking down.

The bell rang and homeroom was over.

In first period we barely said two words to each other.

We all sat together at lunch and we had to listen to Aiden talk about all the girls who told him they wanted to be his girlfriend for that day.

Fourth period ended up being just like first period, we didn't say a word to each other.

After school I went home and went straight to my room.

Had I lost the only friend that I'd made?

The phone rang.

"Spencer! Telephone," my mom yelled up the stairs.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey Spence, it's Ashley."

"Hi."

"I was wondering if you wanted to come and hangout with me today?"

"Um, sure. Is Aiden going to be there?" I asked.

"No, he had football tryouts." she answered.

"Oh, so it'll be just us then?" I asked, soon realizing what a dumb question it was.

"Yeah, well my mom is here. Spence you don't have to come if you don't want."

"No, its not that. I just..." I started then decided I shouldn't finish. "Never mind, I'll get my mom to drop me off okay."

"Okay," she replied happily.

I ran down the stairs to see if I could go.

"Mom, can I go over Ashley's house for a little while?"

"Spencer." she started.

"Please," I begged.

"Fine, you need a ride?"

"Yes please."

"Okay, let me grab my purse."

I ran back upstairs and changed out of my school clothes then ran and jumped in the car.

* * *

"Are you sure this is the right house?" my mom asked as we pulled in front of Ashley's house.

"Yeah mom, I was here yesterday remember." I replied.

"What-" she started.

"Her dad is Raife Davies mom."

"No way."

"Yes way."

"Could you get an autograph for your father, he's going to go crazy when I tell him."

"Yeah okay mom, can I go now?"

"Yeah, I'll be back to get you around 6:30 okay?"

"Okay, later mom."

"Bye sweetie, have fun."

I got out the car and walked up to the front door to knock as my mom pulled off.

A man in a black suit and white gloves answered.

"Is Ashley here?" I asked.

"Yes, Ms. Davies is expecting you, she said to come right up." he replied.

"Thank you." I said walking up the stairs.

I went into Ashley's room where she was laying on the bed listening to her walk man with her eyes closed.

She was humming whatever song she was listening to and bobbing her head.

I walked over to her and sat next to her on the bed.

She opened her eyes. "Spencer, shit, how long have you been here?" she asked jumping up taking the walk man off her ears.

"I just got here," I replied smiling.

"Okay good, because when I'm listening to music I tend to do embarrassing things sometimes."

"I didn't see anything." I replied.

"Good." She said smiling.

"You have a really nice voice." I said smiling.

"Ah, liar, I thought you said you didn't see or hear anything." She said hitting me on the arm playfully.

"I said I didn't see anything I never said I didn't hear anything." I replied smiling. "But you do have a really nice voice you know."

"My dad wants me to get a recording contract but I don't think that is the life I want. I mean its cool for my dad or whatever but I see how much he's not home and how he's always on the road or in the studio and I just don't want to be that type of person especially not if I want to have a family, because it really starts to take it's toll on your family, but that's the music industry."

"You've really thought that through huh?"

"Yeah. I guess. So what do you want to do?" she asked.

"I don't know, what do you want to do?"

"Wow, is it always going to be like this?"

"What?"

"I ask you what you want to do and you answer me with a question?" she asked.

"No," I replied.

"Yeah okay, we'll see. You want to go swimming. we have a water slide and a waterfall." she asked smiling.

"Um.." I started.

"What?"

"Um..." "Spence, what is it?"

"Well, I kinda sorta can't swim."

"What!" she said laughing. I hit her.

"It's not funny."

"I'm sorry but I've never met someone that couldn't swim before."

"Well now you have."

"Okay how about this, I'll teach you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wait I didn't bring a swimsuit."

"Please." She said waving me off. "I got hundreds." She went to her closet and grabbed an armful of swim suits and tossed them on the bed. "Pick one." she said.

I looked through them until I found one.

I went in the bathroom and put it on.

"Wow, you should really swim more often, look at that body." she said as I was walking out the bathroom.

I didn't really know what to say.

Awkward.

I think she regretted saying that.

"So you ready? she asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

We went out back to the pool.

She got in and I just stood there.

"Okay so first thing you need to do is get in the water." she said smiling.

"Oh sorry." I got in holding on to the wall.

"Okay Spencer, I can't teach you if, you're not willing to trust me."

"Okay, okay."I said as I let go of the wall.

She was holding on to me as we floated across to the other side.

"So first you need to lay on your stomach, I'm going to hold you don't worry.

Okay now you need to kick your feet a little." I started kicking.

"Okay, not that much," she said smiling.

I was getting water all in her face.

"Sorry." I replied.

"So how did you learn how to swim." I asked.

"Well my dad kinda threw me in the water and said swim or die. I chose to swim. Hey maybe I should do that to you?"

"Okay, um, no."

"I'm just kidding. You ready for the deep end yet?"

"No, I'm not ready for the kiddie pool yet." I replied.

"Okay how about we take a break, I'll get Jeffrey to bring us out a snack."

"Okay."

We got out and she went inside.

"He'll be out in a sec." she said coming back out to join me.

She sat down in the beach chair next to me.

"So you having fun?" she asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

"It's a lot better without Aiden here right?" she asked.

"Yeah, actually it is." I replied.

I looked at her and she was looking at me smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing."

A few seconds later her butler came out with some snacks.

We ate snacks and talked about what we wanted to be when we grew up and how many kids we wanted.

Then I realized that my mom would be picking me up in a few minutes so I had to get changed.

I ran upstairs and got changed.

"I had a fun time today."

"Me too," I replied.

"Sorry I have to leave so early, my mom likes the entire family to eat dinner together."

"Its okay, I wish my family ate dinner together, hell I wish we could all be in the house at the same time."

"Thats really the only time we see each other because we all have different schedules." I told her.

"We'll at least you guys have family time."

We hear a horn honk outside. "Well that's my mom.

I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow." she said hugging me.

"Yeah. Oh I forgot my mom asked me to get an autograph for my dad."

"He's out of town and wont be back until this weekend. I could get you one then."

"Okay thanks. Later.

"Bye." I ran out to the car and we went home.

We ate dinner and I ran upstairs to my room to call Ashley.

We talked until like eleven.

That night I had the same dream about her...


	4. Between the lines

It was senior year, I couldn't figure out why the dreams had stopped, but they did.

On some level I was relieved, because maybe I could look at her now and not think about kissing her.

After sixth grade we all became the best of friends and when Aiden was at football or basketball practice Ashley and I would hang out.

If you ask me she would flirt with me but she never made a move, we came close one time in seventh grade but it didn't actually happen.

We all went to our eight grade prom together

Ninth grade year Ashley and Aiden decided they wanted to try and date but shit did that not work. They realized they were way better as friends, thank God.

After they broke up Ashley started dating random guys, never staying with one for more than three months and I'm pretty sure she slept with all of them but I couldn't say that for a fact because she never really talked about that part of her life with Aiden and I.

Weird right?

We talked about everything else.

I started dating this really cute guy named Sean my freshman year who was by the way a Junior, but we ended up breaking up my Junior year because of the whole long distance thing which I thought was total crap because he was only at San Diego State.

Anyway, we all went to junior prom together to keep our tradition. Currently Ashley is dating this guy name Boz, they've been together for about two weeks now, nothing serious.

My brothers graduated my sophomore year, and both decided to attend UCLA.

I applied there and got in but I went to Ohio State instead.

Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I never told Ashley about the dreams, in fact I never told anyone.

So senior year Ashley and I became extremely close because Aiden moved away the summer before to Atlanta with his family.

Ashley was devastated.

I was sad but I understood his dad's reason for leaving I mean come on, he was offered a position as the Head Contractor at the largest construction firm in Atlanta. He was getting paid three times the amount he was making as a contractor here in LA.

For awhile I didn't know what to say to her, she was always sad and depressed.

The only thing that cheered her up was Buffy and Ice cream.

So thats usually what we did every night that summer and most of the school year.

No one was ever at my house anyway.

After my brothers went off to college my mom and dad started having problems, my dad claimed my mom loved her job more than her family and that she was having an affair with one of the doctors so they got a divorce and he moved to San Diego last year.

I was sad about it at first but I mean what could I do.

When prom time rolled around Ashley was a little sadder than she had been the past couple months because she realized that this would be the first prom we didn't go to as a threesome.

Sean asked if I wanted him to come back to go to prom with me but I said no.

Boz asked Ashley and I was surprised when she told me that she had said no because they were the longest relationship Ashley had ever been in six months almost.

She told me that she wanted it to be just us since Aiden couldn't be there, but she still wanted to keep our tradition.

I don't think either of us expected what happened that night to happen but it did and it changed everything.

* * *

Ashley's dad rented us a stretch hummer and an entire floor at the Hilton for our after party.

I think we danced to every song that night.

I don't think either of us got a break from the dance floor.

If we weren't dancing with each other someone else was pulling on us to dance with them. Ashley danced with any and everybody there that night. After prom we went back to Ashley house to change for the hotel party.

"Raife is so awesome for getting us an entire floor. I mean I expected maybe a room or two but the entire floor. That's like 30 rooms, that must have cost a fortune." I said excitedly.

"24 rooms actually, and hes just trying to make up for never being home these past four years of my life." She replied.

Her dad bought a house in the UK our freshman year and thats where he spends most of his time apart from the occasional visits.

"I would rather have him any day," she said pulled her shirt down over her head.

I couldn't help but stare, Ashley always did have an awesome body.

She grew breast eight grade year and I didn't get mines until I was almost 16.

"Spencer," she yelled snapping me out of my trans.

"Huh?" I replied.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked,

"Nothing," I said nervously hoping she didn't notice me staring.

"Where did you go just now?" she asked.

"Nowhere," I said putting my pants on.

"Spence, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I replied.

What would she say?

"That night when we played truth or dare, um... why did you lie?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I replied knowing exactly what she was talking about.

"About kissing a boy before. I mean it was no big deal. So why'd you lie an say you did when you didn't?" she asked looking right into my eyes.

"I don't know, I guess I just didn't want to seem lameor something."

"Oh," she replied.

We finished getting dressed.

"Why was your heart beating so fast when we kissed?" she asked.

Fuck.

I didn't say anything right away so she went in the bathroom and shut the door.

A few minutes later she came out, I was sitting on the bed looking down at the floor.

"Because you make me nervous," I said barely audible.

She stopped in front of me.

I remember replaying the words over and over in my head asking myself what had I done.

I could loose my only friend.

She didn't say anything, she just stood there looking at me.

"Ash say something please." I begged.

And when she didn't say anything, I panicked.

I got up to leave but she grabbed my hand stopping me.

I turn to look at her.

She was crying.

Why was she crying.

I wiped a tear with my thumb as it fell down her cheek.

I fell even more in love with her.

"Ash don't..." I said wiping away the tears that were falling.

She looked up at me.

And as soft as possible she kissed me.

So many thoughts were running through my mind at that point.

But as much as I hoped for that moment to happen, like since the first day we met I've waited, but I couldn't do it.

What would happen if we got together and it was a really bad break up?

What then?

I would lose my best friend and I couldn't risk it.

I pulled away and ran out of there as fast as I could to my house.

I ran upstairs to my room and shut the door and cried myself to sleep that night.

And every night after.

I think Ashley called me a hundred times that night.

I didn't answer.

I couldn't.

What was I going to say?

'Oh yeah I love you Ash, that's why I ran out of the hotel room when you kissed me. Something I've wanted you to do since we were eleven.'

All weekend she called and I ignored her, if she came by I told my mom that I wasn't in the mood for company.

I realized that I was doing the exact thing I feared would happen if we got together.

I pushed her away.

Everyday for the rest of the year I avoided her, I didn't answer her calls and we didn't hang out.

I'm not really sure where my head was at the time.

I think above all I was just terrified of being gay.

Scared of having the type of feelings I was having for a girl.

For her.

At graduation she tried to catch up with me and talk to me but I hurriedly disappeared into the crowd to avoid her.

Aiden came back and they both went to UCLA.

Where we had all planned on going.

But me.

I decided it would be best if I went somewhere else.

So I left LA.

I left her.

And the feelings I had for her and went to Ohio State.


	5. Killing me Softly

Ashley and I haven't talked since that night.

I replay it over and over in my head, how things should have gone, but didn't.

I cried myself to sleep every night my freshman year.

I went through 3 roommates because they used to get so freaked out they thought I had like mental issues or something.

I'm married now with two kids: Troy Jr. and Megan, the loves of my life.

I'm happy and I'm not sure if going back there is such a great idea.

I held the letter in my hand re-reading it over and over.

_"Dear Alumni of King High. You are cordially invited to King High class of 1998's class reunion on __October 22nd, 2008."_

That was two weeks from today.

I'm not sure if I'm going yet.

Or if I wanna go even.

I haven't seen her since senior year and if I see her now I'm not sure what I'll do or say or if their even is anything to say.

I have two weeks to think about it, but right now I have to finish getting dinner ready for my family.

"Hey honey," my husband said entering the house.

"Hey sweetie," I replied giving him a kiss.

"Mommy, Mommy!" Troy and Megan yelled running in behind him.\

Troy is 5 and my baby Megan is 3.

"Hey babies," I said giving them both a kiss on the cheek.

"Ah, wow, it smells good in here babe, what you cooking?" he asked looking in the oven.

"Chicken and Cheese Casserole," I replied.

"Yay!" Megan and Troy yelled. It was their favorite.

"You two go get washed up for dinner."

"Okay mommy," they replied running up the stairs.

"How was the park, " I asked my husband.

"Fine. Troy Jr. is quite the ladies man," he replied fingering through the mail.

"And what exactly does that mean?" I asked smiling.

"The little girls were practically fighting to spend time with him in the sand box." he replied.

"Oh." I responded.

"Hey are you going to this?" he asked holding up the reunion invitation.

"I'm not sure," I replied.

"I think you should sweetie, what has it been, ten years since you've been back there? I think it might be good for you to go back."

"I'll think about it," I replied.

"Okay, well I'm gonna go wash up." he said kissing me on the cheek.

"Okay, dinner will be ready in ten," I stated.

He went upstairs, I picked up the invitation and sat down on the stool.

A part of me wanted to go back and see all my friends and even my family but another part of my was terrified.

I'm just not sure if I would be able to see Ashley with someone else.

Like what if she's married with kids?

What if she's single?

What if she's still mad at me?

What am I saying, I'm married with kids.

I'm just not sure if I can see her at all.

Its been ten years since I've been back to L.A. After I left for college I never looked back.

If my family wanted to see me I told them I would fly them to Ohio but I just couldn't go back there.

To be honest, I'm afraid that if I go back there and see her, all the feelings that I had suppressed so well for all these years will just come rushing back.

And I can't have that.

I'm married.

That night while my family and I ate dinner the only thing I could think about was that stupid reunion.

* * *

The next day I got up and did my usual routine.

Fix breakfast, get the kids ready for daycare, fix my husbands lunch and send them on their way.

Yes, I'm jobless, believe me I've tried to get a job but my husband insist that the man should bring home the bacon as long as I cook it.

Well he didn't say that last part but I know what he means.

He's the President of a large law firm thats about 45 minutes from where we stay, but he makes about 300K a year so I'm not complaining.

I decided that since I had no errands to run that I would do some Fall cleaning.

As I was cleaning I stumbled across my middle school yearbook.

I forgot I had it.

I opened it and began to look at it.

There was a picture of Aiden, Ashley, and I at the prom.

_Flashback_

_"Aiden, you know all __the girls hate us right?" Ashley joked. _

_"What! Why?"_

_ "Because, they think that you're the hottest __guy at King middle, and you turned all of them down to go with your best friends." I said. _

_"Well of __course I did, and if you ask me I'm going with the two hottest girls at King middle." _

_"Awe, how __cute." Ashley said faking a smile. _

_"You know what guys, we should make this a tradition, every __prom we should go as a threesome." Ashley suggested. _

_"I'm down." Aiden stated._

_"Okay, me too." I agreed. _

_We did I secret handshake to consummate it and went inside the gym._

_Everyone was staring at us. _

_I guess Ashley wasn't lying, everyone did hate us for going with the __hottest guy at school. _

_"Oooo, pictures. Lets go take our." Ashley said pulling Aiden and I over to __where the photographer was stationed. _

_"Next!" he yelled signaling for the next person in line, which __wasn't us but Ashley pulled us up there anyway. _

_"Okay, on three say Under the sea," the __photographer instructed. _

_It was the theme of our prom._

_ Lame right. _

I was brought back by the sound of the door bell.

I ran to answer it.

It was the Fed ex guy dropping off a package for Troy.

I sat the box down on the counter and found myself drifting back into the past.

_"I can't __believe his parent's would just move him away like that," Ashley cried. _

_"I know, this sucks big __time," I said comforting her. _

_"We've been friends since we were born, didn't they stop and think how __this move would affect me." she said burying her head into the pillow. _

_"Hey, I got and Idea, lets __watch Buffy and eat Ice cream," I suggested. _

_That usually cheered her up. _

_"Yeah," she replied __wiping away her tears. I ran over to my collection and popped Buffy in the DVD player. Then ran __downstairs to the kitchen to get the ice cream. I ran back upstairs with the Ice cream to find Ashley __crying again. _

_"Whats wrong?" I asked. _

_She handed me her phone there was a text message from __Aiden. _

_"I miss you..." It said with a little sad face. _

_"Awe Ashley." I said sitting the Ice cream on the __dresser and going over to comfort her. _

_"It's going to be alright," I said pushing her hair out of her __face. _

_"He'll be back in a year remember, he got into UCLA, you'll see him again." I stated. _

_"Yeah __but thats so far away." she said barely able to speak through her sobs. _

_"It'll be here before you __know it." I replied._

_ She sat up and looked at me. _

_"I love you Spence."_

_ My heart fell into my __stomach._

_I hated seeing her so sad._

_"I love you too Ash," I replied. _

_"I'm so glad we're friends." she stated. _

_'Friends' I __thought to myself. _

_"Me too," I replied._

What the hell was happening to me, maybe going to this reunion really wasn't a good idea.

For the next week all I could think about was that dumb reunion, so I decided I should just go get some advice from the one person that I trusted most in this world,

my dad.


	6. What are you waiting for?

"Dad, you here?" I yelled as I walked into his house.

His wife greeted me.

"Hey Spencer, your dad is in the den."

"Thanks, is Bobby here?" I asked.

"Yeah, hes upstairs in his room."

"Well tell him I said hi."

"Okay sweetie." I never really did grow to like her, but my dad loves her so I pretend.

He got remarried about 5 years ago and moved back here to Ohio.

I was glad because I got to see him more.

He has another son, Bobby.

He's a super cute kid.

He calls me auntie Spencer even though we've explained to him numerous times that I'm not his aunt I'm his sister.

I mean I'm 28 years old, if I was four I'd think I was my aunt too.

I went downstairs to the den where my dad was watching t.v.

"Hey dad."

"Hey Spence," he said hugging me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Well I kinda need some advice on something."

My dad was the only one I had ever told about the kiss, and I only told him about three years ago.

But he said he already knew something was between us.

He actually thought we would end up together because of how close we became after Aiden left.

He said he kinda hoped for it because he could see that she made me really happy.

My dad was always so cool about stuff like that.

Unlike my mom.

"What about?" he asked.

"Next week is King Highs' 10 year class reunion and I'm freaking out." I replied.

"Why sweetie, you afraid of seeing Ashley after all these years?" he asked.

"Yeah," I admitted.

I was terrified actually.

"Ah honey. I'm sure she has forgiven you, it's been ten years," he stated.

"Dad, she called and wrote me everyday at school for a year and I never wrote back or answered even one of her calls, I'm not so sure about that." I replied.

"Spencer, you were scared, the feelings that you had for her were different and confusing and when she kissed you they multiplied and you weren't sure how to handle them, and having a homophobic mother didn't make things any easier, but I'm sure she'll understand if you just explain it to her like that." he stated.

"So you think I should go?"

"Yeah, I think that you shouldn't miss an opportunity like this because of fear of the unknown." he said.

"Thanks dad." I said hugging him.

"No problem sweetie, how are my grandkids?" he asked smiling.

"Same ol', same ol'. Oh apparently your grandson is quite the ladies man." I said.

"Well thats because he takes after his grandfather, what did you expect." he said smiling.

"I don't think Rebbecca would like that dad," I said playfully.

"You're right, don't tell her I said that." he smilied.

"We'll I better be getting out of here I have to go get dinner ready and I guess pack." I said getting up to leave.

"I don't know what poor Troy is going to do without you for an entire weekend." he said smiling.

"Me either," I replied. "I'll see you later dad," I said walking up the stairs.

"Bye honey," he replied turning the volume back up on the t.v.

I went home and got dinner ready and then started to pack.

As I was packing my Troy walked in.

"Hey baby," he said leaning down to kiss me. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Packing," I replied.

"I can see that sweetie, but where are you going? Oh, you decided to go to the reunion?" he asked happily.

"Yeah, I decided to go check it out, but I'm afraid of leaving you here with the kids all by yourself." I admitted.

"And what does that mean?" he asked with a little hostility in his voice.

"No honey, I didn't mean it like that, I'm just saying, who's going to cook and clean, and do Megan's hair, and the laundry."

"We'll manage Spence. Theres this thing called take out, I'm not sure if you've heard of it, and I've done laundry before you know. And I'll get my sister to do Megan's hair. Everything will be taken care of, so there is nothing to worry about okay?"

"Okay," I said relieved.

"Okay. I'm going to go set the table, if you need any help packing just let me know," he said kissing me again before leaving the room.

I finished packing and went downstairs to join my family for dinner.

* * *

A week has passed and its the day before the reunion, I never thought coming back to LA would feel so weird.

My mom wanted me to stay with her but I got a hotel room instead.

As I unpacked my things I kept thinking about how tomorrow would go.

To try and take my mind off the reunion I went over to my moms house.

My mom never got remarried, she came close once but ended up breaking it off a couple months before the actual ceremony.

His name was Ben, yes he was the guy my dad suspected she was cheating on him with.

But it turns out they got together after my dad left.

She's with some guy named Luis now.

My mom cooked me dinner and begged me to spend the night, I did just to get her off my case.

I went up to my old room, it was still the way I left it ten years ago.

As I walked around my old room, I reminisced on old times.

I sat down on the bed and pulled a box from under it.

It was my secret letter box.

It had all the letters Ashley and I had ever written to each other.

Under all the notes I found a picture of Ashley, Aiden, and I that I had forgotten I even had.

It was of us at the state fair in the 10th grade.

It was on one of those strips, you know the kind you get when you take pictures in the photo booth.

We were making funny faces the entire time, I don't think we took one serious picture ever.

Looking at the picture threw me into a flashback.

_"Aiden move over, your head is taking up the entire screen," Ashley yelled._

_ I just laughed. _

_They were always fighting about something. _

_"Okay on three. One, two, three," just as she finished the bright light flashed. _

_"Damn, I wasn't ready yet," I screamed. _

_"Calm down Spencer we have like 5 more shots," Aiden said laughing at me for being so dramatic. _

_"Okay, here we go again," Ashley said. _

_We all made a funny face as the camera flashed. _

_"Okay, that time I wasn't ready," Aiden joked. _

_We all laughed._

"Spencer sweetie," my mom said snapping me back to the present.

"Yeah mom?" I asked.

"I just wanted to give you some clean towels, goodnight sweetie."

"Goodnight mom." I took another glance at the picture before putting it back in the box and sliding it back under the bed.

We were all such great friends.

How times have changed.

The next morning I got up pretty early so I could get back to my hotel to get changed.

I had a couple things to do before the reunion.


	7. Vulnerable

It is now seven, a few minutes before the reunion, I'm sweating I'm so nervous.

I walked up to the doors of King High not knowing what to expect once I got inside.

I opened the doors and went inside, there was a trail of confetti and balloons leading to the gym.

I began following the trail, walking through the halls I began to think about old times, and it threw me into another flashback.

_"Ashley, we're going to get caught." _

_"No we're not, calm down Spencer." _

_" Ashley, hurry up." __Aiden yelled. _

_"Okay, Okay. These things take time you know, I want everything to be perfect. I __almost got it. There, all done." _

_"Okay, can we go now please?" I begged. _

_"Alright," Ashley yelled._

_We all ran down the hall. _

_That was the best Halloween ever, we got to school early so we could __pull a prank on Mrs. Johnson, our 10th grade English teacher. _

_She was afraid of everything, so we __put a bunch of fake spiders in her desk, a fake skeleton in her closet, and green goop all over her __desk and chair. _

_We thought it would be pretty funny, but Mrs. Johnson didn't think so._

The sound of the music snapped me back.

I walked up to the doors of the gym and just stood there for a second and took it all in.

I would be seeing people I haven't seen in 10 years, it was a pretty big deal.

I walked in the gym kind of searching for Ashley and Aiden and when I didn't see them I just stood by the punch table.

As the night went on I felt kind of out of place, I figured I'd had enough so I decided to leave.

Maybe I'll see them tomorrow at the reunion party.

I grabbed my things off the table and as I turned to leave there she was.

I couldn't believe it.

After ten years she still looked the exact same way she did in high school.

"Hi," she said smiling.

"Hi," I replied looking into her eyes.

"How have you been?" she asked.

"I've been good, you?" I asked.

"Okay," she replied.

"Good." I said looking down at the floor.

"What hotel are you staying at? Or are you staying with your mom?" she asked.

"No, I'm at the Hilton," I answered.

"Oh cool, Aiden is staying there too."

"Aiden doesn't live in LA anymore?" I asked.

"No he moved to Sacramento a couple years ago with his wife and kids. I was just about to go meet up with him actually. Um, would you like to come?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah sure. Did he come tonight?" I asked.

"No, he said reunions are lame, he only came for the party tomorrow night."

"Oh, Aiden always was the party animal of the group."

"Yeah, so you ready to go?" she asked.

"Yeah, so you wanna just like meet there?"

"Yeah sure, what room are you in?"

"721." I replied.

"Okay cool,see you there."

"Okay." I went back to my hotel room and changed into something more comfortable.

* * *

I sat down on the bed thinking about what we would talk about once they arrived.

It was so much we needed to catch up on in each others lives.

Thinking about it I drifted back into the past.

_"I __don't want to hurt him Spencer." she said almost in tears. "He's my best friend, what if I hurt __him?" she added._

_"Ashley if things aren't working you have to tell him, you can't just drag __this on forever." _

_"I know but do I have to tell him today?" she asked. _

_"Yes Ashley, you have __to." _

_"Can't I just tell him next week or something." _

_"Ashley, tell him today, believe me he'll __want to hear it." I said. _

_"What do you mean, he'll want to hear it, has he told you something __Spencer?" she asked me. _

_"Uh," I started. I really wasn't supposed to tell her, I promised him __I wouldn't. _

_"Promise not to tell him I told you?" I asked. _

_"Yeah I promise, now what is it?" __she asked anxiously. _

_"We'll he told me last week that he wanted to break up with you but he __didn't know how because he didn't want to hurt your feelings." _

_"Are you serious?" _

_"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you Ashley, it's just that I promised Aiden that I __wouldn't." _

_"Oh my God this is great, we both want to break up with each other, now I won't __feel bad about this, what a relief." _

_"Okay. What happened to make you realize that you guys __were better as just friends?" I asked. _

_"Um, well, we were about to, you know," _

_"Seriously?__ We're only 14 Ashley, what were you guys thinking?" _

_"The age thing wasn't the __issue Spencer, it was just that I felt like I was kind of about to do it with my brother and it __crept me out." _

_"Oh," I said laughing a little. _

_"Thats not funny," she said looking serious._

_"It's kind of funny," I said still laughing._

There was a knock on my hotel door, it snapped me back to the present.

I opened the door to see a smiling Ashley in front of an overly excited Aiden.

"Spencer!" he said hugging me tightly.

"It's been forever, how have you been?" he asked.

We all sat down on the bed.

God this reminds me of my first day of sixth grade.

"I've been good. I moved back to Ohio after high school, I got married about 5 years ago and I have two children."I answered.

"Really?" he asked happily.

"Yeah. Speaking of a family, I heard you have one also."

"Yeah, I do." he replied pulling out a picture of his family from his wallet and handing it to me.

"Oh, wow. You have a beautiful family." I said handing him back the picture.

"Thank you." he replied putting it back in his wallet.

"What about you Ashley? Any kids running around?" I asked.

Aiden laughed.

She hit him in the arm.

They acted the same way they did in high school.

"Um no actually. After high I went solo for a while then dated around a little, but I've been single for the past year or so." she responded.

"Wow, how is it that no one has scooped you up, you're gorgeous." I said soon after realizing how it sounded.

The room became quiet.

"So Aiden, why Sacramento?" I asked trying to break the awkward silence.

"My wife's company opened up a new branch there and they wanted her to be the Senior VP so, you know how that goes." he replied.

"Yeah." I said.

Ashley gave Aiden a look, and all of a sudden he had to go.

"God, you know what,

I forgot that I had to um to finish this report for work, I have this big presentation when I get back, so I 'll see you two later."

"Um, okay." I replied. He left the room and there was an awkward silence again.

"Can I get you anything to drink: soda, water, a beer?" I asked.

"Water is fine thank you." she replied.

I got a water out the fridge and handed it to her.

"Enjoy because this is the most expensive bottle of water you'll ever get from me." I joked.

She smiled.

I've missed that smile.

"So, hows being rich treating you?" I asked.

"It's cool I guess, I still consider myself the same person."

"That's good, I'm glad money hasn't totally changed you." I stated.

She moved closer to me and I knew what was coming next.


	8. Damn regret

"Spencer, what happened to you?" She asked with sadness in her voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Spence, you know what I'm talking about. After high school I didn't hear from you or seeyou. I wrote you everyday for a year and you never wrote back. I called you every single day and you never once returned my phone call. After that night, you basically deserted me." she said almost in tears.

"And I'm sorry for that Ashley, I truly am but you have to understand the feelings that we had for each other, the feelings I had for you, they were confusing, I didn't understand what was happening to me, so I ran from it." I replied.

"Don't you think I was confused too. I was confused as hell, I had so many emotions running through my head at the time I didn't know what to do. But you ran out and every time I tried to come over and see you to talk about it you avoided me."

"Ashley, did you know that you were my first kiss."

"Spencer, I know and thats why it was so special to me and I ..."

"Wait let me finish. You were my first kiss and every single night after that kiss I dreamed about you, for six years Ashley, I dreamed about you and that kiss. What was I supposed to do?"

"You could have told me how you felt Spencer!"

"And then what? We could have been together?"

"I," she started.

"Ashley my mom was a homophobic, if she would have found out she would have killed us both, and she would have disowned me."

"We could have kept it a secret."

"Whats the point of being with the person you love if you have to keep it a secret?" I asked, now almost in tears.

"How could not be with the one you love in fear of what others might think or say?" She asked almost yelling.

"You don't understand how," I'm choking on my words from the tears.

Ashley grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm sorry Spencer." she said over and over.

But I kept crying.

"Spencer please stop crying," she begged lifting my head up so she could look into my eyes. "I'm sorry, but I'm in love with you and I have been since forever, I just didn't know how to tell you." she said wiping the tears from my eyes. "Spencer, I love you." she said again.

I didn't know what to say.

I'm married with two beautiful children and I love my family dearly, I do, but Troy has never been and never will be able to fill that hole in my heart , the hole that Ashley left , the hole that only Ashley can fill.

We stared into each other's eyes.

I'm so confused.

So many emotions are running through my head.

Ashley bit her bottom lip and I knew what she wanted.

I shouldn't

I'm married.

She leaned in closer tome.

I really shouldn't.

But I want to so badly.  
She moved closer.

I really really shouldn't.

Our lips touched.

I thrown into a pool of mixed emotions.

I love her so much, I always have, but I'm married.

Her lips are so warm and soft and her touch is so gentle.

I could feel that she loved me too.

But I'm married.

I have to think about my children.

God, I love her so so much.

"Ashley, I'm sorry I can't do this."

"Spencer..."

"I can't I'm married Ashley, maybe you should go." I insisted.

"No, Spencer I'm sorry I shouldn't have thrown all this on you at once. I'm really sorry." I got up and walk towards the door.

"Ashley..."

"Look, why don't you come and stay with me tonight and tomorrow we can all go to the party together. What do you say?" she asked.

"Ashley, I'm not sure that's such a great idea, I mean I want to but I..."

"I promise I will behave, I just want to talk to you please."

"Okay." I answered.

"Great, so um, you wanna meet me there or what?"

"You still stay in your moms house?" I asked.

"Yeah, but she moved to Paraguay 6 six years ago so technically it's my house." She said smiling.

"Okay, Um yeah, I'll meet you there then I guess."

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit." She said walking out the door.

I packed up my things and went downstairs to checkout.

I can only imagine what is going to happen tonight...

* * *

I pulled up to Ashley's house, she was waiting outside on the porch for me.

She came over to the car to help me with my bags.

"Took you long enough," she said helping me get my bags out the trunk of my rental car.

"No it didn't, you were just anxious for me to get here," I said smiling.

"Okay, maybe you're right," she said smiling back.

We went inside, it still looked the exact same way it did 10 years ago.

"Wow, not much of a decorator are you?" I said jokingly.

"Ha, no. I was going to get the entire house redone a few years ago but decided there was no point." she replied.

"Oh." I said.

"Well let me show you to your room." she said walking up the stairs.

I followed her up the stairs and down the hall to the room I would be staying in.

She opened the door and so many memories came flowing back to me.

It was her childhood room.

After 8th grade her parents moved her to the bigger room downstairs, but this is the room I had my very first kiss in, the room we played the many games of truth or dare in, the room Aiden and Ashley got into their most physical fights in, this room wow, out of all the rooms in the house why did she pick this room for me to stay in.

"So, I'll be right down the hall if you need anything okay?" she asked.

"Okay," I replied.

I sat down on the bed and just thought about all the different things that happened in this room. I was thrown into a flashback...

_"Oh my God, Spencer come look at this." she yelled __from the bathroom. _

_I was laying on the bed watching t.v when she called me I got up and __ran in there thinking something was wrong. _

_"What is it Ashley?" I asked practically bursting __through the door. _

_"Look at this." she said pointing to her chest. _

_She was growing breast._

_"What? They're called breast Ashley." I said stating the obvious.  
"I know that Spence, but __what are they doing on me?" she said. _

_I looked at her like she was crazy. _

_"What I mean is, __we're 12, you don't have any why do I?" she asked. _

_"Um, I don't know Ash, some girls get __them before others." I stated. _

_"This sucks, I'm going to be the only girl in our grade with __boobs." she said putting her shirt back on. _

_"No you're not, Chrissy Johnson has humongous __boobs remember," I said trying to cheer her up. _

_"She's not 12 Spence, she like 20 or __something." _

_We both laughed. _

_"Ash, it's no big deal okay, they probably wont even grow out __until next year." I said. _

_"Okay, I guess that'll be cool." She said walking closer to me. _

_"I'm so __glad that we're friends Spence, I'm glad I met you." she said hugging me. I could feel her __growing breast pressed up against me. _

_"Me too, " I said pulling away. _

_"Whats wrong?" she __asked, confused about why I was pulling away from her embrace. _

_"Nothing," I replied __looking down. _

_"Spence, whats the matter?" She asked again. _

_I took a deep breathe and __exhaled. _

_Should I tell her that I want to kiss her?_

_ I wanted to touch her? _

_She hugged me __again, I could feel her breath on my neck, her small breast pressed up against my flat __chest. _

_I wanted her so badly. _

_I broke free of her embrace again, but this time she held on to __me. _

_She looked right into my eyes as though she could see through to my soul, I felt like I was going to __cry. _

_What was happening to me? _

_We stared into each others eyes while she held my hands to __keep me from leaving the bathroom. _

_"Ashley..." I started. _

_"Spencer, I think I want to..." her __sentence and our moment was cut short by Aiden walking into the room and yelling to see __where we were. _

The memories this room holds.

I'm not sure if I can stay in here.

I got up and went down the hall to Ashley's room to talk to her...


	9. Make this go on forever

I knocked on the door.

"Come in," she said in a soft voice.

I opened the door, she was laying on the bed watching t.v.

"What's up Spence?" she asked not turning her head from the t.v.

"Um, nothing I just, I don't know, I'm not tired so I came to see if you wanted to talk or something." I

said.

"Sure," she said sitting up. "What about?"

"I don't know, anything you want to ask me? I mean, it has been ten years.

"Okay, uh, hows married life? It is just like on t.v?" she asked smiling.

"No, not even close. But it's good, I love my kids, they're my everything." I replied.

"What about your husband, whats he like?" she asked.

"He's a good guy, and he loves me a lot." I replied.

"Good. So how old are your kids?"

"Well Troy Jr. is 5 and Megan is 3." I said reaching into my pocket and pulling out a picture and handing it to her.

"Awe, they're adorable," she looking at the picture.

"Thanks," I replied.

"I mean but who wouldn't be with you as their mother," she added.

I felt myself blush.

"You're blushing Spence," she said smiling.

"Am not," I said playfully.

"Are too," she said back.

"I can still make you blush, I take that as a good sign." she said looking straight into my eyes.

"Ashley..." I started.

"Spencer, I know what I said earlier but you're here and I'm not sure if I can keep my promise." she said moving closer to me.

"Ashley, don't." I begged.

"Spencer you wanna know something?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Remember when we were in the seventh grade and we were at my house and I had called you in the bathroom because I was freaking out about my growing breast?" she asked.

"Do I." I replied.

"Well that day, I wanted so badly to kiss you, I was going to actually but Aiden walked in and ruined everything. I was so mad at him I picked fights with him for no reason that day. I kept thinking that if he hadn't walked in I would have done it and maybe just maybe things would have been different. But we'll never know will we." she said in a monotone voice.

She looked as though she was about to cry.

"Ashley I'm sorry I left and I'm sorry that I didn't write you back or return your phone calls, but it wasn't because I didn't love you, it was because I did and I know that makes no sense but you have to trust me, our life would have been hell if we would have gotten together." I said trying to fight the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"Spencer, I'm gay, after high school I came out, I don't care about what other people think of me, the only thing I care about is you. Spence you wanna know why I went with all those guys throughout high school. It was because I was in love with you and I knew that, there was no escaping it, I wanted to be with you, but I wasn't sure If you felt the same way about me, so I went with them to try and fill the hole you left in my heart, but I never did, and after you left things just got worse for me. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything for almost a year. I just wanted to hear your voice, or see your handwriting, something that I could hold on to, something that connected me to you for a little bit longer. I'll never get over you Spencer, I just don't think its possible." She said wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Ashley, I'm married, I have to think about my children. Do you think this is easy for me, I cried everyday for a year over you, I never ever stopped loving you, I just I gave in to society and my mother. And now I have to beautiful children who love their father and I can't take them away from him and I can't live without them."

"I'm not asking you to Spence, I just, I need to be with you, even if that means I have to share you."

I couldn't believe my ears, what do I say to that.

"Ashley, we'd never see each other, I live all the way in Ohio remember."

"I'll move there if that's what it takes."

"Ashley... " I couldn't fight the tears any longer.

She grabbed me and held me trying to calm me.

With no luck.

She just didn't get it. I've waited almost 17 years for this moment, the moment that can't happen now because things, time, life, just doesn't permit.

Since I was eleven I wanted her to ask me to be her girlfriend, but I'm married now.

Even though I love her way more than I love my husband, I have to think about my kids and how will this affect them.

I cleared my head, I made all the thoughts go away and gave in.

I kissed her and she kissed me back.

At that moment nothing else in the world mattered, nothing else existed, it was just us, here and now.

She laid me back on the bed, God how I've waited for this moment.

I couldn't believe it was finally happening.

I was making love to her, after 17 years it was finally happening.

I drifted to another place, I was in ecstasy...


	10. Dirty little secret

The next morning I awoke in her arms.

I thought maybe it had been a dream, but it was real, I'd finally had the girl I'd always wanted.

I quickly realized that I had a family back in Ohio, a family that loves me and believe me I love them but I love her also.

I laid there still so I wouldn't wake her just thinking about everything what would I do, what should I do.

If I leave Troy, I fear that he'll take my kids away from me and I just wouldn't be able to live if that happened.

I love my kids so much.

"Hey you," she said smiling at me.

"Hey," I replied smiling back.

"How'd you sleep?" she asked getting up.

"Good. Really good. What time is the party?" I asked.

"Um, I think eight so if you want we could do something, maybe lunch and a movie or something." she said pulling her shirt down over her head.

"Um, actually, I told my mom I would come by today." I said putting my pants on.

"Oh, okay, um I guess I'll just see you tonight then." She said with sadness in her voice.

"You know what, I can do lunch." I said walking over and kissing her.

"Okay. She replied smiling. "I'm just gonna go freshen up."

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit." I walked down the hall to the room and shut the door.

I hadn't been this happy in almost 10 years.

I have to leave him.

I have to leave my husband.

I freshened up and we went to lunch.

It was wonderful, I felt like we were an actual couple, something we've both wanted for so long.

"Mom, I'm here." I said walking into my moms house.

Luis was there, he creeps me out, he's always like lurking around so to speak and staring, its really creepy.

"I'm in the kitchen honey." She yelled.

"Hey mom, what you doing?" I asked walking into the kitchen.

"I'm getting dinner started," she replied.

"But it's only two, it's not like you have to cook for five people, well six because Ashley was always over." I said smiling.

"I know, I just like having everything done by six." she replied.

"Oh, Okay." I replied.

"So, what are you doing here?

I thought you had that thing today." she said tossing some asparagus into a skillet.

"I just wanted to come by and see you, you know my plane leaves at ten tomorrow so I probably wont be able to stop before I leave." I said.

"Oh, what did you want to talk about?"

"Um, I don't know." I said sitting down at the table.

"Yeah you do sweetie, you made an effort to come over here so you have something in particular you want to talk about," she said looking into the oven to check on her roast.

She always did make enough food to feed an army even when it was only her and I.

"Mom, I need to tell you something I just want to know that things won't change between us." I said looking down at the floor.

"What is it sweetie?" she asked taking the pan off the stove and coming to sit next to me at the table.

"Are you and Troy having problems, because you know all marriages have problems but you just have to stick with it, it'll get better." she said.

I couldn't believe, her, of all people was giving me the marriage speech.

"Troy and I are fine mom. It's about Ashley." I started, not knowing whether or not I should finish.

"Is everything okay? Is she okay?" she asked sincerely concerned.

"She's fine mom. Look, I wanted to tell you this a long time ago I just wasn't sure how you'd react you know, I mean you were always kind of homophobic." I said realizing it came out completely wrong.

"What's this about Spencer," she said standing up.

"Mom, I'm sorry that came out wrong."

Apart of me figured that she'd always known that I was in love with Ashley, I mean it was obvious, we spent every single moment together that we could, we held hands and we hugged a lot. Once she walked in on us hugging and she freaked it was ridiculous.

"Spencer..." she said sounding confused.

"Mom, Ashley and I, we..." For some reason I couldn't say it. I wanted to tell her, I wanted to get this off my chest, I wanted to know if she could except me for me. I tried again. "Mom, Ashley and I are, we're..." Again, I couldn't do it.

The look on her face, she looked as though she was in pain, like she knew what I was going to say and it hurt her even before I said it. But she's my mom and if she can't except me for me then... I decided I'd do it.

"Mom, I love Ashley, I always have, and not as a friend, we'll not only as friend. I love her, I'm in love with her and I'm going to leave Troy to be with her." I said all in one breath.

She looked as though someone has just stabbed her in the heart and she was trying to get her breath but couldn't. "Mom," I said standing up. I tried to touch her and she moved her hand away.

I couldn't believe it, my own mother.

"Leave." she said softly.

I had to make sure I heard her right.

"What?" I asked hoping she didn't say what I thought she said.

"Leave my house, leave my house right now." she said in a slightly louder voice. I was in shock and couldn't move. "LEAVE!" she yelled.

I took a deep breath realizing this was real, she wanted me to leave her home, the home I grew up in, my own mother.

I took a step towards the kitchen door.

Would this be the last time I spoke to my mother.

The last time I saw her?

I turned and took one last glance at her, she was crying, I made her cry.

My love for Ashley made her cry.

Then it hit me, I took a long hard look at her and memorized her face because it could be the last time I see it.

I left, I got in my car and I drove.

My heart was breaking with each mile I drove.

My own mother...


	11. Your Guardian Angel

I pulled up in front of Ashley's house but I couldn't get out of the car, I know she's going to ask me whats wrong and I just don't feel like talking right now.

I think I'll just sit here for a while.

I think I sat in the car for about a hour before going inside.

I went straight up to the room.

I'm not sure if she heard me come in, I tried to be as quiet as possible.

I laid down on the bed and waterfall of tears started flowing.

I thought maybe just maybe after ten years she would have changed by now.

"Spencer are you getting ready?" she asked knocking on the door.

I wanted to say something so she wouldn't come in but I was crying to hard.

"Spencer, you okay?" she asked opening the door.

"Spencer's whats wrong?" she asked running over to my bedside.

I couldn't speak.

"Spence..." she started.

"Please Spencer, tell me what's wrong." She pleaded.

I turned over and sat up but the words still wouldn't come out.

"Is this about what happened last night because if it is then..." I put my finger over her mouth to stop her before she said something crazy.

I wiped my face and looked at her.

She looked so worried.

What should I say, should I tell her I'm crying because the love I have for her is ruining my relationship with my mother, or I'm scared because I want to be with her but I don't want to break up my family.

"Spence, are you going to tell me whats wrong?" she asked again.

I took a deep breath.

"I went and talked to my mom," I started.

"And what happened?" she asked.

"She told me to leave." I said.

"What? Why?" she asked.

I figured I should just come right out and tell her.

Whats the point in holding it in.

I took another deep breath.

"I told her that I loved you," I said feeling a tear fall from my eye.

"Spence..." she said sympathetically wiping the tear from my cheek.

"I told her, I loved you and that I was thinking about leaving my husband and she told me to leave. My own mother, if she can't accept me Ashley who will?" I said laying back down on the pillow.

"Spence, I'm not going to lie, it's going to be hard for a while, but people get over it and they move on and eventually accept you. My mom didn't like the fact that I was gay but she accepts it now because she knows there's nothing she can do to change me. Your mom will eventually come around Spence." She said laying her head down next to mines.

"What about my children, I'm going to have to fight for them and if I lose I'm not sure what I'll do." I said through my sobs.

"Spencer, I'll get you the best lawyer money can buy, no one is going to take your children away I promise." She said.

I'm just not sure if I can take that chance, I love her, but their my kids, I gave birth to them and they mean everything to me.

"Ashley, can we just stay here tonight, I'm not really in the party mood." I said snuggling up to her.

"Sure, whatever you want." she said putting her arms around me.

"Whatever you want." she said again as we both drifted off to sleep.

All the crying wore me out.

* * *

I awoke in her arms. She's so beautiful when she's asleep.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do.

I turn over to look at the clock on the nightstand.

7:15am.

My plane leaves in a few hours.

I tried to get up without disturbing her, but failed.

"Hey, where you going?" she asked barely opening her eyes.

"I was going to go pack my things, my plane leaves at ten," I said.

"Come back to bed, I'll call my dad and tell him to send the jet later, just come back to bed please." She said patting the empty space next to her.

"I'm sorry but I have to get back to Ohio, My daughter has a ballet recital today and my son has a T-ball game and I promised them both that I would be there." I said leaving the room not even waiting for a response.

I went down the hall to the room and packed.

It took me all of ten minutes to get everything packed but I pretended to still be packing when she came in to check on me because I just needed time to think.

Time to clear my mind and figure out what the hell I'm going to do.

I heard someone come in the front door and come up the stairs I figured it was Aiden coming to yell at us about not going to the party last night.

I went and put my things in the car then went upstairs to Ashley's room and sure enough it was Aiden.

"Hey Spencer, I was just telling Ashley what an awesome party you two missed last night. What happened to you guys?" He asked looking at Ashley then back at me then back her. "Oh! Never mind, don't answer that question." he said smiling.

"It's not even like that Aiden, you're such a perve." She said throwing a pillow at him.

"What! I'm a guy aren't I."

"What exactly does that mean? All guys do not think like you," she replied.

"Yeah okay sure, you keep thinking that. So if you two weren't doing the nasty what were you doing?" She looked at me, I guess to get my approval on whether or not she could tell him why we missed the party last night.

"I went to my moms yesterday and I told her that I was in love with Ashley." I started.

"Awesome, you two love birds finally getting together?" he asked. I ignored his question.

"She got mad and told me to leave." I said sitting down on the bed next to Ashley.

"Wow that sucks. So screw Paula, I never did like her anyway. If you two ladies want to be together, then why let her come in between that." he said sitting down with us. "I think you two make a cute couple." he said smiling.

"You would." Ashley said smiling back.

"So Spence, you moving back to L.A?" He asked. "Wait, are you going to get a divorce? What is going to happen to your kids?"

At that moment everything that I tried to clear from my head came rushing back.

What would happen to my family?

I got up and ran out of the room.

"Good job Aiden."

"What did I say?" he asked confused.

Ashley ran after me.

"Spence, Spencer wait up." She begged running behind me as I ran down the stairs and out to my car.

I opened the door to get in but she stopped me.

"Spence please, look I know this is a lot for you right now, but running away wont solve things you've already tried that remember."

I can't believe she just said that.

I laughed a little in disbelief and got in the car.

"Wait that came out wrong, what I meant was, we've tried to not be together but It just doesn't work, I think that we were meant for each other and fate won't rest until we're together."

"Ashley, I have a family, and I can't hurt them like this. I'm sorry." I said pulling off.

I can't believe I just did that, I had the one person that I've always wanted and I just drove away from her.

When I got to the airport and boarded the plane, I took one last look out at the city, the love, and the life that I've always wanted that I was leaving behind...


	12. Misery loves it's company

I got home a little after two, I had only 20 minutes to change and get to Megan's recital.

She looked so cute and she was amazing.

We left the recital to go meet my husband at Troy's T-ball game.

He played a good game even though their team lost 10 to 2, my baby scored a run.

When we got home, I was way too exhausted to cook so Troy volunteered, something he doesn't do often.

As I laid upstairs in my bed I couldn't help but think about her.

Her soft lips and her beautiful brown eyes, and her smooth legs.

God, I love everything about her.

Everything is just so confusing, maybe I shouldn't have gone back, none of this would be happening right now.

"Honey, dinner's ready." Troy said walking into the room.

"Okay, I'll be down in a sec," I said kind of snappy.

I didn't mean for it to come out that way but it did.

"Wow, sorry, I was just letting you know." he said confused at my tone.

"I know I'm sorry sweetie, I have no idea where that came from, I'll be down in one sec okay." I replied.

"Okay." He said leaving the room.

I better get it together.

I went and joined them for dinner.

After dinner I unintentionally picked a fight with Troy over the dishes, then about how unorganized the house was and anything else that came into my mind.

I'm not sure what is happening to me.

For the next few weeks I did that, I picked fights with him for no reason at all.

"What is wrong with you? Ever since you came back from that damn reunion you've been acting weird, like you're trying to make me angry with you or something." he said getting out of the bed.

"Troy I know I'm sorry, I'm not sure whats wrong with me." I said.

"Spencer did something happen there that you want to tell me?" he asked.

My heart started beating fast.

"Well, is there?" he asked again.

"Troy I..." just as I was about to tell him when my phone rang.

I grabbed it off the night stand. "Just, give me one second." I said holding up my index finger.

"Unbelievable." he said in disbelief.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Are you kidding me we're in the middle of a discussion and you answer your phone, it's not like its your job or anything because you don't have one." he said yelling.

I couldn't hear what the person on the phone was saying so I got up and left the room which made him even angrier.

"Hello?" I said again.

"Hey Spencer its Aiden." He said in a monotone voice.

"Hey what's up Aiden?" I asked happy to hear from him, anything to distract me from the news I was about to tell my husband.

"Spencer," he started.

He was acting like he was having a hard time getting the words out.

"Aiden what is it, you're scaring me." I said as my heart beat faster in anticipation.

"Spencer, Ashley's dad died. He was killed in a plane crash this morning." As he finished his sentenced my heart dropped into my stomach.

I fell to the floor.

I found it really hard to breathe.

Then they came, the tears...

"Ashley, is um having a really hard time with it and um, I was wondering if any way possible you could fly back out here, the funeral is on Sunday." he sounded

so sad.

"I'll be on the first flight out tomorrow." I said still barely able to breathe.

"Okay, I'm sure Ashley will be glad to see you. See you soon." I didn't say anything back I just hung up the phone.

I left her and her dad dies, Oh God I can't imagine what she's feeling right now.

I got up and went back into the bedroom.

"What the hell what that Spencer, we're having a conversation and you walk out."

"Ashley's dad died." I said ignoring the fact that he was being an ass.

"Ashley, your best friend from high school, Ashley?" he asked.

"Yeah. He died this morning in a plane crash."

"Oh wow, that sucks, is she okay?" What kind of question is that.

"I have to go there, I'm going to catch a plane in the morning." I said grabbing a suitcase from under the bed.

"Spencer do you really think right now is such a good time for you to be leaving?"

What kind of question is that?

"Troy my best friend's dad died, I'm going back."

"Your high school best friend and you have your own problems to worry about right now, like your marriage."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Spence, we've been arguing non stop for the past three weeks, maybe we should get counseling or something."

"Troy look I can't deal with this right now, I have to pack."

"What is wrong with you Spencer? If I didn't know any better I would say that you cared more about your relationship with Ashley than your marriage." his words cut right through me.

Not because he was being a jerk but because he was right.

I did love Ashley more than I loved him, and its time for me to come clean.

"I do." I said looking him right in the eyes.

"What?" He said making sure he heard me right.

"I do care about Ashley more than I care about making this marriage work."

"Spencer you should really think about what you're saying." he said kind of threatening me.

"Troy, I know exactly what I'm saying. I love Ashley and I have since I was eleven, I tried so hard to have a "normal" relationship that I don't even recognize myself anymore. I don't want to be a house wife Troy, I want to work and make my own money and go out when I want. Troy, I want a divorce." I said finally.

He stood there not saying a word.

Then it came, my worst fear.

"I'm taking the kids and we're going to stay at my sisters for a while.

Then I want you gone." He said without even looking at me.

"You can't take my kids away from me Troy, you can't."

"You really want your children to have to grow up with two moms? You want them to get picked on every single day by other kids? You want them to be called freaks?"

What kind of questions were those?

"Of course I don't but you can't take my children away from me."

"We'll see about that!" He said walking out the room. He can't take my kids away from me, I won't let him.

I finished packing then went online and bought my plane ticket.

My plane leaves at nine tomorrow...


	13. You're all I have

I went into my children's room to find my husband packing their things into a suitcase.

"Troy can we just talk about this please?" I begged.

"Whats there to talk about Spencer, you're in love with a girl." he said almost yelling.

"Quiet Troy, the kids are downstairs." I told him.

"What? You don't want them to know their mother is a lesbian?" he said with hate in his voice.

"Troy it's not like that, my love has no gender. I fell in love with you Troy, I did, but I've been in love with Ashley since I was eleven and there's just no use in running away from my feelings anymore. I didn't want to hurt you Troy I swear I didn't but I didn't want to live this lie anymore." I said walking over to him.

He moved back as though I had some kind of disease or something.

"Spencer, look go to L.A and help your friend or girlfriend or whatever she is and when you get back you'll be hearing from my lawyer." he said not even looking at me.

"Troy, can't we settle this without lawyers and courts and judges, think about kids." I said with sadness in my voice hoping he would consider my plea.

"I am." he said grabbing the suitcase off the bed and walking out of the room.

I sat down on the floor and began to cry, because I know exactly how society works, if we take this thing to court Troy is going to win. I mean he has a good job, technically this is his house, he pays for daycare and food and everything basically, not to mention the court probably will take my choice of a life partner into account, I'm just so scared of losing my children. I got up and walked outside where my husband well ex-husband I guess was loading TJ and Meg, my babies, into the car.

"Mommy, Mommy, are you coming with us?" Meagan asked me.

She's only 3 she wont understand any of this.

"No baby, mommy's not coming with you, but I'll see you later okay." I said kissing her on the forehead.

"Okay mommy." she said grabbing her teddy bear that I gave her for her first birthday off the seat and hugging it in her arms.

"Can I just have a second with him?" I asked Troy as he was about to put TJ into the car.

Why am I even asking he's my son too.

"Yeah, sure." he answered.

I walked over to the stairs with TJ and we sat down. I could feel the tears building in my eyes.

"Mommy are you and daddy getting a divorce?" he asked me.

How do you tell a five year old something like that.

"Mommy loves you, you know that don't you kiddo?" I asked him feeling the tears fall down my cheek.

He shook is head yes.

"You're going to go stay at Auntie Billie's house for a while, but mommy will be back in a couple days and then you guys are going to come back home okay?"

"Okay. Mommy are you a lesbian?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Sweetie where did you hear that from?" I asked. "I heard daddy telling Auntie Billie that you were a lesbian and that you were going back home to be with your lover."

"Sweetie I," I started.

"Mommy are you coming back?" he asked.

"Of course sweetie, I'm going to come back and get you and your sister and we're going to go visit grandma Carlin in L.A. How does that sound?"

"Okay." he said jumping up and hugging me then running and getting in the car.

They both waved to me as Troy drove off not even looking back, he was serious he would do everything in his power to take my kids away from me.

* * *

The next day I got up, went to the airport.

I arrived in L.A around 2 p.m.

It's Thursday, three days before the funeral and I'm a wreck.

The whole thing with my kids and Troy, has exhausted me.

I pulled up in front of Ashley's house realizing that I needed to get myself together before going in because she needs me to be strong for her, she just lost her father, the one person in the world that understood her the most, the first one to accept her for who she was and the one she confided in about everything.

I went up to the door and knocked, Aiden answered.

"Hey Spence, she's up in her room, she hasn't come out since she found out, and she hasn't eaten either." he said sadly.

"Okay, I'll go up." I went up to her room.

"Ash," I said opening the door. She was laying on the bed on her side.

"Ashley." I said walking over to her.

She wasn't asleep, but she wasn't moving.

Her hair was a mess and she had dried up mascara going down her cheeks from crying.

"Ashley sweetie." I said laying down next to her.

"You have to get up, this isn't healthy, you need to eat something." She didn't say anything she didn't even look at me.

I figured why tell her things she already knows, so I decided to change the subject.

"I told Troy that I wanted a divorce, he was so pissed and get this he thinks that I'm going to let him take my children away from me, he is so out of his mind. Oh and I was thinking about going over to my mother's house tomorrow and having a talk with her, well I plan on doing all the talking so. Oh and how about my son asked me was I a lesbian yesterday, he's five how does he even know what that means, I think I need to cut down his t.v time."

She still didn't say anything.

"Oh and um, I'm so going to have to find a job now, good thing I got a college degree or that might be really hard." I joked hoping it might put a smile on her face, even if just for a second. It did.

"Spence," she started.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You came back." she said.

"Yeah, I did."

"Ashley," I started.

"Yeah?"

"You stink." I said jokingly.

"I know." she said sort of laughing.

"Come on lets get you in the shower and something to eat." I helped her up and into the bathroom, I then helped her out of her clothes and into the shower.

After she got out the shower she came back into the bedroom looking like her beautiful old self again.

I got up to leave to get her something to eat.

"Spence, can you just stay with me please?" she asked.

"I was just going to fix you something to eat."

"Could you just stay with me?" She said laying down on the bed.

"Um, okay." I said laying down next to her.

She cuddled her head into my neck and I wrapped my arms around her.

We both drifted off to sleep.


	14. Always known

I awoke with her still in my arms, her head still buried in my neck.

I looked up to see Aiden sitting in a chair across from us holding a tray of food.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you guys, I just wanted to bring up some food." he said in a low voice so not to wake Ashley.

"She's pretty out, but thanks." I whispered back.

"Okay, I'll just leave it here, for if she wakes up." he said putting the tray on the chair.

"Okay, thanks."

"You know, I always knew that you two would end up together. Since we were eleven I knew." he said walking towards the door.

"I'm glad it worked out. I know that you've been in love with her since we were eleven, I'm just glad you finally got her." he smiled and closed the door behind him.

I never knew that he was aware of my love for her. I guess it was more obvious than I thought.

"I think everyone knew but us." she said looking up at me.

"Have you been awake all this time?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said smiling a little.

"You pretended to be asleep."

"No, I just pretended to not wake up."

"That doesn't even make sense." I joked.

"Yeah it does." she said laying her head down on my chest.

"Wow, I can't believe we slept so long." I said realizing that it was Friday morning.

"Yeah, I must have been tired from all that crying I've been doing." she said with a sadness in her voice.

"Yeah, crying can make you tired, I should know I cried my entire freshman year of college." I said trying to lighten the mood a little.

"I guess I should be getting up." she said sitting up on the bed.

"Why?"

"Because we have to go talk to your mother today right?" she said smiling at me.

"You're going with me?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Ash, you don't have to I mean you know I can totally do this by myself..." I started.

"Yeah because that went oh so well the first time." she said in a joking manner.

"Ha, funny. Well I'm glad you're coming with me. It's nice not having to do things alone." I said.

"Tell me about it."

"Okay so, I'm going to go and get my things from the car and get cleaned up, give me about a half hour and I'll be ready."

"Okay, take your time, there's a lot of food on this tray and I'm going to eat it all.

I haven't eaten in two days." she said grabbing the tray off the chair.

"Oh and while you're downstairs could you tell Aiden that he knows I like my eggs scrambled, and also to bring me up some OJ, the juice not the murderer." We both laughed.

"I'll be sure and do that." I told her.

I gave Aiden Ashley's orders then got my things to get cleaned up.

A half hour later we were in the car on the way to my moms house.

* * *

I was so nervous.

As I approached the door I couldn't think of one thing that I was going to say to her, I mean she made it very clear about how she felt about Ashley and I's relationship, but I'm hoping that once she sees how much we love each other and how good we are for each other she could learn to accept it.

I knocked on the door. Luis opened it.

"Hey Spencer, what are you doing here. I thought you went back Ohio." he said moving aside to let us in.

"Yeah I did, I just got back yesterday for Ashley's dad's funeral." I said looking around for my mother.

"Oh. And I'm really sorry to hear about your dad." he said genuinely.

"Thanks." She said looking down.

I guess he could sense why I was there.

"She's upstairs in the bedroom Spence, she's been crying a lot ever since you left." he told me.

"Can I go up?" I asked. Wow I was asking could I go see my own mother.

"Yeah, I think she would like that." he assured me.

I grabbed Ashley's hand and led her up the stairs to my moms room.

I opened the door to find her laying on the bed with her back to the door.

"Mom," I said as I entered the room. I walked over to her.

She wasn't asleep but she didn't even acknowledge that I was in the room.

"Mom," I said kneeling

down in front of her. She was looking right at me, well right pass me.

"Mom, I came to talk to you about Ashley. Mom, we're together now I left Troy, we're getting a divorce." She didn't even look at me. "Mom... Mom, please." I begged. She focused her eyes on me."Mom, look I'm sorry that you're having a hard time with this, but I'm still your daughter and I'm not going to let you treat melike this." I said angrily. Ashley looked at me from the doorway in disbelief that I was standing up to my mother. "I love Ashley and I"m going to be with her whether you like it or not, but if you can't accept Ashley then we can't be apart of your life and by we I mean TJ and Megan too, because we're gonna be a family and if you can't accept one then you'll get none." I said sort of raising my voice.

I couldn't believe after all these years I was finally standing up to her.

She still didn't say anything she just looked.

"Fine, this will be the last time you'll see me." I said getting up to leave but she pulled me back.

"I'm sorry I was such a jerk about this," she said starting to cry. "I just didn't know what to do, I mean my only daughter telling me that she was gay, do you know how heartbreaking that is for a mother. I was thinking about all the things I would never get to do for you and then I realized that I've already done them. I got to see my daughter get married and birth two beautiful children, you tried to make things work with Troy, I'm sure you did but everyone knows that you and Ashley have loved each other since you were eleven. I guess sometimes it just happens that way."

"Okay, really did everyone know before us." Ashley said from the doorway. My mom laughed at her.

"But whomever you choose to spend the rest of your life with sweetie, I want you to know that I'll always be here for you, I want to see my grand children grow up and most of all I want to see you truly happy." she said hugging me. "And I know that Ashley makes you happy."

"Thanks Mrs. C," Ashley said walking over to us.

"I really love your daughter and I promise I will always take care of her, and your grand children." she swore to my mom.

"Thank you Ashley. And I'm so sorry to hear about your father." she said sympathetically.

"Thank you. I would really love it if you could come to the funeral on Sunday. It would really mean a lot to me."

"Of course sweetie."

I was so ecstatic that my mom was at least trying to be okay with this.

"Why don't you two stay for dinner," my mom suggested.

"We're having lamb," she said like she was trying to sell a product or something.

"We would love to mom but we can't, we have a lot of stuff to do before the funeral." I told her.

"Oh, I understand. Well I'll see you two on Sunday then."

"Okay, later mom."

"Bye."

We headed out, back to the house to finish up some things for the funeral and I decided that this was a good day, I mean besides the whole burial of Ashley's dad in a couple day's this was a good day.

A good day in deed.


	15. Slow dancing in a burning room

On the way back to the house I got a call from Glen.

"Hey sis."

"Hey Glen, wow, how did you even get this number, whats it been like two years since I've heard from you?"

"Oh don't be so dramatic Spencey, but it's been two and a half. So I heard you're back in the L to tha A."

"Okay wow, I'm going to need you to not ever say that again."

"Ha, okay. So what you doing back?" he asked.

"Where have you been dummy, I came back for Raife Davies funeral." I said readjusting the phone to my ear.

"Oh, really. That means you and Ashley are talking again huh?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah." I replied.

"Spencey, let me ask you a question. I know you're married in all but are you doing the whole rug munching thing because I've always had this feeling that you like to chew on the carpet."

"Wow Glen, you're still an ass after all these years."

"So am I right, or am I right?"

"Yeah Glen you're right. Ashley and I are together now. I left Troy." I said looking at Ashley and smiling.

"I knew it, I always knew it. Since you guys were like eleven man, I'm telling ya, you guys were always just way too close."

"Yeah. So we've been told. So what do you really want Glen because you did not call me to talk about my sex life."

"Well actually I just got off the phone with mom and she told me that you were with Ashley and I've been trying to get in touch with her to tell her that I was sorry about her dad and so was Clay, by the way he says hi."

"Tell him I said hi. So all that stuff you..."

"I totally just got the 411 from mom. Ha, you thought I was like some super detective or something right?"

"Yeah, because that's the first thing that comes to mind when I think about you. Goodbye Glen."

"Bye sis."

"Wow, he is such an idiot,"I said hanging up the phone.

"Glen and Clay send their condolences.

"Aww, tell them I said thanks. And tell them they're totally welcome to come to the funeral"

"That would require me calling him back," I said jokingly.

We pulled up in front of the house, an unfamiliar car was parked in front.

We went inside thinking maybe Ashley's mom had come home a day early and rented a car but what we found was the total opposite.

There was a woman around I'd say about 25 or so in the living sitting on the couch next to Aiden.

"Aiden who's your friend?" Ashley asked.

As soon as she looked up, she didn't even have to answer the question we knew.

Her eyes were exact replicas of Ashley's and her long brunette hair and her small sort of pointy nose, all exactly like Ashley's.

"Hi, I'm Kyla Davies," she said standing up and extending out her hand for Ashley to shake.

Ashley looked at me and I could see it, all the hurt and pain, she wanted to believe so badly that when her dad went on the long road trips that he stayed true to her mom and to her for that matter but this woman in her living room was living proof that he didn't.

She took off upstairs and I chased after her.

"Ashley, wait up, baby," I said chasing after her.

She ran into her room and shut the door.

I opened it and she was laid out on the bed with her head burried in her pillow.

I went over and sat down next to her.

"Ashley sweetie." I started.

"Don't Spencer, please, just don't. she said to me in a harsh tone.

I knew that she just needed some time. Her dad just died and now she has just found out that she has a sister. I'll just give her her space...

We've been sitting down here for about 2 hours now and she still hasn't come out of the room yet.

Maybe she needs more time to process this, I totally understand.

She's a really nice girl, Kyla that is, and it turns out she's 23 so that means she was born when Ashley was six, her dad has been lying to her since she was six. That sucks.

"She hates me, doesn't she?" the younger brunette asked looking down at the floor.

"No," I said. Which probably wasn't true, chances are Ashley hated her guts even though it really wasn't her fault if you think about it. "She's just having a really hard time right now, as I'm sure you are too." I said.

"Well actually I didn't even really know my dad, I think I might have seen him once or twice when I was younger, but mostly he just gave my mom money and wanted nothing else to do with us."

"That's because he didn't love you," Ashley said walking down the stairs.

There was so much anger in her voice.

"Ashley," I said trying to reason with her. I mean the girl did just loose her father too she didn't need to feel any worse.

"Why are you here?" Ashley asked her walking over and standing next to the couch.

"I," the girl started.

"You know what, I don't care really, after MY father is buried I want you out of L.A." she said practically yelling at the poor girl.

I couldn't just sit there and do nothing, I didn't want to take sides or anything but Ashley was just bashing the poor girl.

"Ashley please, lets just go upstairs so you can calm down," I begged, trying to pull her away and up the stairs.

"No," she said snatching away from me.

"I'm not going to let some girl who's mother my father used as a toy come into my town, my life, think she's going to stay." she said with a harsh tone.

"Okay Ashley, maybe you should just go with Spencer upstairs," Aiden finally stepping in.

"Shut up Aiden," she snapped.

"Maybe I should just go," Kyla said getting up to leave. There was so much hurt in her voice.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Ashley said in a crude tone.

"Okay." she said walking towards the door.

"My mom said dad used to talk about you a lot, he said he wanted us to meet each other one day. That he thought that we would get along great. I guess he wrong about that. He also said how sweet and kind and giving you were, I guess he got that wrong too." She stopped to say before walking out the door. Aiden and I both looked at Ashley.

"What?" she asked defensively. I shook my head and walked up the stairs without saying a word.

"What the hell Ash," I heard Aiden yell before hearing a door slam.

I could understand Ashley being upset about everything but treating her own sister that way it won't solve anything.

Maybe she'll realize that...


	16. If everyone cared

A few minutes later my door opened and Ashley stuck her head in.

"Can I come in?" She asked looking like a lost puppy. How could I say no.

"Yeah," I said sitting up on the bed. She came in and sat down next to me.

"Spence," she started. I gave her a please don't give me any bullshit right now look.

She re-positioned herself on the bed so that we were now face to face.

"Spence, I'm sorry about how I treated that girl but like you have look at things from my point of view, my dad has been lying to me my entire life Spencer. Not once did he ever even hint towards me having a sister. He always told me I was his pride and joy, his one and only little girl and to find out that was all a lie, I just..."

"Ashley, I know this is hard but, she had nothing to do with this, it wasn't her fault, none of this is, so you can't just take it out on her because you feel like it, that's not how it works." I say trying to be supportive of her but also letting her know she can't treat people anyway she wants, just because.

"I know." She said tearing up.

"Ashley, baby what's wrong?" I asked embracing her into a hug.

"I just, this is all my fault." she said through her sobs.

"What do you mean? None of this is your fault sweetie." I said rubbing circles in her back trying to soothe her.

"It is, it's all my fault, everything." She said again. I wasn't quite sure what she meant. How could any of this be her fault.

"He was coming to see me," she said as her breathing began to slow down.

"Ashley," I tried.

"No, he was coming to see me when his plane crashed. I was so upset about us, about you leaving that I needed to talk to him but every time I called he was busy so I made him promise that he would come and see me so we could talk, and he was coming, he was, It's all my fault, he's gone because of me." she said choking on her words.

"Ashley, sweetie accidents happen, it wasn't your fault, your dad wouldn't want you to think that." I said not knowing what else to say.

She didn't say another word. I just held her while she cried in my arms.

This reminded me of when Aiden moved away the summer before senior year.

I wasn't sure of what to say to her then and I feel the same way now.

She cried until she fell asleep in my arms.

I laid her down on the bed then went into the next room to make a call.

"Hey dad, it's Spence."

"Oh hey sweetie. How's Ashley doing?" he asked, concerned, he knew how hard Ashley could take things. Raife's death was all over the news.

"Not so good dad, she's taking it pretty hard and now on top of that she just found out that she has a half sister." I told him.

"Oh wow. Send her my condolences." He said sympathetically.

"Thats not why I called though dad, look I need you to do me a favor. Troy didn't take the whole I want to get a divorce to be with my childhood sweetheart thing so well so now he's trying to take Megan and Troy away from me and I..."

"I know sweetie, I'll talk to him."

"Okay, thanks dad."

"No problem sweetie."

"Oh and dad, mom gave Ashley and I her blessing, can you believe it?"

"Really?" he sounded shocked.

"Yeah she really did."

"Wow, how things have changed. Well I'm glad for you and Ashley sweetie, you both deserve at least a little happiness in your lives."

"Thanks dad. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay sweetie." I hung up the phone and put it in my pocket. I went back to check on Ashley who was sound asleep so I decided to go see if I could find Kyla to try and explain Ashley's behavior.

Where do I start? Oh, Aiden might know where she's staying...

* * *

I called Aiden and he told me that she was staying at the Hilton downtown.

I went up to her room and knocked.

When she opened the door it looked as though she'd been crying.

"Hey," I offered.

"Hi." She said softly.

"I know you don't really know me all that well but um, could I just come in and talk to you for a sec?" I asked.

"Sure." She said moving aside so I could come in. We went and sat down on the couch.

"I know that Ashley can be a bit ill-mannered at times but she really is a good person, she's just going through a lot right now, I mean so are you but not only did her father die but she also feels like its her fault and on top of that we're having family problems."

"Oh, like a couple. Like you two are together?" She asked.

"Yeah, well we're trying to be but I have a husband and children and its just a really long story, but what I'm trying to say is she really didn't mean any of that stuff she said she told me herself, she's just having a hard time dealing with all this and you just happened to be in her path when she decided she wanted to let some of her frustration out, its nothing personal, I promise." I assured her. She looked relieved.

"She didn't want to come with you?" She asked.

"Oh, she doesn't even know I'm here. She was asleep and I didn't want to wake her." I told her.

"Oh. So she doesn't really hate me?" She asked me almost like a child.

"No, she doesn't." I said smiling.

"So do you think she would mind if I stayed with her?" She asked.

"I'm sure she wouldn't." I told her.

"Okay, well let me get my things and check out and I'll be over there later tonight." She said smiling.

"Okay, I'll see you later then." I said getting up and walking towards the door. She followed, to show me out.

"Thanks a lot for doing this."

"No problem." I said smiling.

I left and went back to Ashley's. I went up to the room and she was still asleep. I laid down next to her trying not to wake her but failed.

"Hey, where'd you go?" She asked opening her eyes and snuggling into my neck.

"I went to talk to your sister?" I said holding my breath hoping she wouldn't get upset. She looked up at me.

"About what?" She asked.

"About earlier." I told her.

"What'd she say?" she asked looking genuinely interested.

"She wants to stay with you until after the funeral." I said.

"Really." She said monotone.

"Yeah." I replied. The room grew quiet.

"Ashley," I started.

"I guess I better go get her a room ready then." She said smiling. I couldn't help but smile also. I was relieved. She got up and walked out the room a few seconds later she ran back in.

"Thanks." She said running over and kissing me.

"For what?" I asked.

"For fixing this. I know the way I treated her was wrong. So thank you." She said before leaving out again. I laid back on the bed and smiled to myself.

I did a good thing, a really good thing...


	17. Bliss

Later that night Kyla came over.

Surprisingly Ashley cooked dinner, which is something she never ever does.

Not since I've known her anyway.

She put Kyla in a room then joined me in the room I was staying in.

"She's a really cool person." She said sitting down next to me on the bed.

"I know." I said.

"So, what are we doing tonight?" She asked me with a devilish grin on her face.

"We're sleeping. We have a lot to do tomorrow for the funeral." I shot back.

"Really?" She asked still smiling.

"Uh... yes." I said back.

She started inching closer to me.

"Ashley, seriously?" I asked her.

"Spencer, shut up." She said placing a small sweet kiss on my lips.

Damn her and her spells.

She kissed me again, this time more passionately.

"I love you, you know that right?" she asked pulling back breaking the kiss.

"Of course." I said back.

"And I love you Ashley Davies."

"Okay, what's with the name calling." she said smiling. I'm not even going to entertain her.

"I'm so glad you're here. I don't think I could have gotten through this without you." She said laying her head in the crook of my neck.

I guess we're not... before I can finish my thought her lips are crashing into mines.

She repositioned herself so that she is now slightly on top of me.

God I love her.

It starts off slow but soon intensifies as she grazes my bottom lip with her tongue asking for entrance which I of course grant.

I angle my head to deepen the kiss as she grabs the back of my neck.

Turning me over so that I am now on top.

She moves her hands slowly down the arch of my back causing me to shiver a little. She quickly slides her hands under my shirt and lifts it over my head. I look into her dark brown eyes, I've never been so turned on in my life. I bent down to kiss her again making my way from her lips to her neck and sucking on her pulse point. A small whimper escapes her lips as she scratches her nails down my back. I moan into her neck. I place a small kiss on her now bruised pulse point and make my way back to her lips. She breaks the kiss as she sits up to take off her own shirt. Along with everything else. I kissed my way down her body leaving no spot untouched. Until I reached her soaked center. At that moment all thoughts left my mind.

Only her and the things I wanted to do to her were in my head.

This was one of the best nights of my life.

* * *

It's Saturday morning, a day before the funeral and it seems like we've gotten nothing done.

Ashley has been extremely quiet this morning.

Maybe she's realizing that we're burying her dad tomorrow and she won't ever be able to see him again.

I hope she knows that I'm here for her and I will never leave her again.

We've picked out the church, picked out the coffin and flowers. Called the caterer and the limo company.

Wait maybe we have been really productive.

I think all there is left to do is pick up Ashley's mom from the airport at six and its only 11:30a.m.

What do we do until then?

I guess I could try and do something to cheer Ashley up.

I got it!

I set up everything up and went to go get Ashley.

"Okay keep your eyes covered and don't peek." I

instructed her as we walked into the den.

"Spencer, what going on you know how much I hate surprises." She said in a monotone voice.

"Don't worry its a good one. Keep your eyes covered were almost there. Okay, open them." I tell her hoping she will like the surprise.

She takes her hands from over her eyes and looks around the room. "Spencer.." She starts.

"I figured, I would do something for you to bring your spirits up a little. I know that these are hard times but, everyone deserves a little happiness and serenity every once in a while.

"I love you. You know that right?" She asks me walking closer to me.

"Yeah." I tell her as I place a small sweet kiss on her lips. We go over and take a seat in front of the flat screen on the couch. I press play and Buffy comes on the screen. I reach in front of us a grab the bucket of Ice cream off the table and hand it to her along with a spoon and a tub of cool whip.

"I love you too." I tell her as I bury my head in her neck.

She kisses my forehead and I drift off to sleep while she eats her ice cream and watches Buffy.

I open my eyes and I realize I'm now laying on top of a sleeping Ashley. She looks so peaceful. I'm guessing my plan worked. I grab my phone off the table to check the time. Crap, it's 8:30p.m. We forgot to go and get Ashley's mom.

"Ashley, Ashley sweetie wake up." I say shaking her.

"What is it?" She asks opening her eyes.

"Your mom." I say simply and she catches on.

"Oh shit!" She yells jumping up. "She's going to kill me." She adds putting on her shoes.

"No I'm not. I'm just going to yell at you for awhile." We turn towards the stairs and see Aiden and Ashley's mom standing there.

"Mom, I am so sorry, we fell asleep and lost track of time." Ashley tries to explain.

"Its okay. I called Aiden and he came. I'm used to you forgetting me by now."

"Mom." Ashley starts.

"Don't even worry about it Ashley. So, who is this young lady that made you forget to come and pick up your own mother from the airport?"

"I'm Spencer." I say standing up and turning towards them.

"Spencer.." She says staring at me trying to figure out where she knew my name from I guess.

"Mom this is Spencer from my middle school and high school years." Ashley explains to her.

"Oh, Spencer! Is that really you? Wow, you're so, so..."

"Beautiful," Ashley interjects.

"I was going to say different, but okay Ashley." she says with a small chuckle.

"So I heard that you have a sister." This can't be good. I thought to myself.

"Yeah mom, she's upstairs I think. She's young only 23." Ashley tells her mom.

"Okay. I guess I'll go meet this young lady and get acquainted." She says turning to go back up the stairs.

"Mom.." Ashley starts.

"Yes?" she asks turning around.

"Be nice. She's a really cool kid and none of this is her fault." Ashley said sort of dejected.

"Okay sweetie." Her mother says before walking up the stairs.

"When did all this happen?" Aiden asked walking towards us.

"Yesterday Spencer fixed everything. And that's why I love her so much." She said looking at me and smiling.

"Okay. I'm going to go upstairs and leave you two love birds alone. Your mom wants all of us to go out to dinner in about an hour so don't take too long." He said smiling.

"Goodbye Aiden." I say with a slight smile.

"Later." he says before running up the stairs.

"Wow." Ashley says.

"What?" I ask.

"Everything is so perfect right at this moment." Besides the fact that her father is dead, but I get what she's saying. We sit back down on the couch and get under the blanket. Wait that wasn't here before.

Awe, I guess she got up and put it on me while I was asleep. She laid down and I laid on the side of her and put my head on her chest to listen to her heart beat. She put her arms around me holding on to me tight. We just laid there until it was time for dinner...


	18. The heart of life Reality

Its Sunday the day of the funeral. Again Ashley has been extremely quiet. I tried to talk to her this morning and she just looked at me so I decided to give her space.

We're in the limo on the way to the funeral. I'm holding Ashley's hand. Aiden is holding her hand also. He's also holding Kyla's hand. She looks really sad, they both do. I hate seeing her like this.

We pull up to the church, get out and go inside. It was a really nice funeral. All of his friends and family were there. A few people spoke and Ashley sang a song. It was beautiful. After the funeral all his close friends and family went back to Ashley's house. Everyone stayed over until about eight that night talking about what a good man he was and how they're going to miss him. After everyone left Aiden and I decided we would do the cleaning because Ashley, Kyla, and Christine deserved to rest.

After we cleaned I went up to Ashley's room. She was lying down on her side looking at the wall.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked sitting down next to her.

"Better now that you're here." She said pulling me down to lay next to her. She wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me closer to her. "I love you." she whispered in my ear. I smiled.

"I love you too." I really do. "Thank you for being here. Even when I didn't deserve you, you stuck around." She said softly. I turned to face her.

"Ashley, you were going through a really tough time. I understand. And I'll always be here for you." I reassured her.

"I know." She smiled. She leaned forward and kissed me. Sweetly and passionately.

She let all her emotions flow into the kiss I could feel how much she loved me. I turned back over and she wrapped her arm back around my waist and we fell asleep.

_"Move over dummy."_

_ "I'm as far over as I can go. If I move over any further I'm going to fall off the seat." I said back. _

_"Why are we sharing a chair anyway when theres like a thousand of them in here?" I asked curiously. _

_"Because I want to sit next to you and there aren't _

_anymore chairs at this table." She smiled back. We're at an assembly and Ashley decided to_

_come late so the seat I saved for her next to me was taken by Rhonda Mitchell, the biggest girl in_

_6th grade, so neither of us are asking her to move. "A little more Spence. You're not THAT big."_

_"Ashley!" I yelled quietly. She smiled at me then pretended to listen to the principal talk. After the_

_Assembly we were let out of school early so Ashley's dad came to pick us up and took us out to_

_get ice cream. "Dad, you rock!" Ashley said excitedly while taking another lick of her ice cream_

_cone. "Yeah, thanks Mr. D for taking us out for ice cream. "It's my pleasure." He smiled. After ice_

_cream he took us to the park. More than I can say about my parents. They hardly ever took my_

_brothers and I anywhere they worked so much._

I was awakened out of my sleep by the sound of the phone ringing.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Yes, Is this Spencer?" The other line asked.

"Yes, this is she." I answered back wondering who would be calling me at midnight.

"Hello yes this is Johnathan Brown, Troy's new attorney, I think we need to talk"... I was brought back to reality with those four words.

'We need to talk' I knew exactly what we 'needed' to talk about...

* * *

It's Monday morning and I'm on a plane back to Ohio for the preliminary hearing.

I still can't believe Troy is doing this to me, to our kids.

I'm glad Ashley is here to comfort me because I don't think I would be able to make it if she weren't.

She's been holding my hand the entire time and telling me not to worry but I can't help but to.

They're my kids and if I lose them I lose the biggest part of me. After we landed and got back to the house that seemed so empty without my children there, I changed and went to the courthouse. To my dismay my kids weren't there, only Troy in his nice expensive suit with his clean cut lawyer, and even his sister was here. I'm here alone because Ashley had to go do something, which is beyond me because we just got here and Ashley has never been to Ohio a day in her life.

Anyway, we're about to start and I'm going to defend myself because no one knows me better than me and no one knows my kids better than I do, that's one advantage I have over Troy.

"All rise," the bailiff instructed. After the Judge came in and took a seat everyone else in the courtroom followed.

"Case 1532- Troy Johnson vs. Spencer Johnson for the custody of Troy Johnson Jr.-5, and Megan Johnson-3. Have we come to some sort of agreement counsel?" The judge asked us. Judges usually hope that custody cases can be settled outside of the court for the children's sake but Troy, he's always been a stubborn man.

"No your honor we haven't," Mr. Brown (Troy's Lawyer) informed the Judge. All of a sudden the courtroom doors opened. We all looked back and saw Ashley walking in with... "Oh my god" I said in a whisper. She was walking in with Garry Batteto, the best Lawyer in the North East, no one ever wanted to be his opposing counsel.

The knew they would lose.

They came in and sat down at my table. I couldn't help but smile at Ashley.

"Mrs. Johnson, would you like to explain whats going on?" The judge asked me.

"Your honor if I may?" Mr. Batteto offered up.

"You may." The Judge granted.

"I shall be representing Mrs. Johnson from here on out, but if I could have a brief moment to talk to my client to get some information it would be highly appreciated."

"Lets take a ten minute recess." The Judge said getting up from his podium.

"Hello Spencer, I'm Gary Batteto," "I know who you are," I interrupted.

"You're like the best lawyer, this side of Texas," I said stupidly.

"Thank you." He offered.

"Ashley, how did you...?" I start.

"I told you, that I would get the best lawyer for you Spence, I'm not letting you lose your kids, we're going to be a family no matter what it takes." She smiled.

"I... I love you," I said hugging her.

"I hate to break up the happy moment but we've got a case to win and in order to do that I'm going to need some information. I need all the main details, birthdays, plays, baseball games, anything that you think will help your case, proving that you are a better guardian to your children than their father." Mr. Batteto said taking his laptop out

of his brief case. I told you...

I'm not loosing my children.

Troy looks petrified

and he should be!


	19. All I want

He was scared. And I mean scared. He was sweating bullets and staring me down.

What? I had nothing to do with this! Not that I'm not happy Gary Batteto is on my side, but with his skills he'll probably be able to get me full custody. After talking with him for all of ten minutes, he said he said he had all he needed.

"All rise, the honorable Judge Atwell residing." The bailiff said as Judge Atwell entered the courtroom.

"Are both counsel's ready to proceed?" The judge asked.

"Yes we are your honor," both Mr. Brown and my lawyer said in unison.

"You may begin."

"Your honor," Mr. Brown started. "Mr. Johnson would like full custody of their children, Troy Jr. and Megan, relinquishing Mrs. Johnson of all her parental rights." He added.

Was he crazy? He didn't even want me to have visitation rights? Was he out of his damn mind?

"Your honor, my client is not a threat to her children, nor is she incompetent. She is looking only for full custody with visitation rights on the weekends." Mr. Batteto said.

"Your honor, Mrs. Johnson does not have a Job, nor any steady income, how will she support herself or the children." How dare he? I wanted to work, I did, Troy insisted that I stay home and take care of the children.

"My client has a degree in Political Science, your honor, and is currently looking for a job. She was advised by her husband at the beginning of their marriage that she should stay home and take care of the children while he supplied the household with the income, otherwise she would have been working. However, until Mrs. Johnson becomes employed, Ms. Davies, a childhood friend will be helping out."

"You mean lover!" Troy yelled, making the judge bang his gavel and call order. Yeah Troy, that's right, show your true colors and how uneven tempered you are.

"Your honor, Ms. Davies, is not a friend as Mr. Batteto put it, is not a friend indeed, they are lovers." I knew he would use that against me.

"Your honor, I don't see the relevance. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson have filed for divorce and this is a custody hearing not a witch hunt." Mr. Batteto said.

I smiled.

"Your honor, I am trying to prove that Mrs. Johnson does not have a stable household therefore it will be an unfit place for children." UNFIT? Is he stupid? I would never put my children in harms way.

"Mrs. Johnson, who has cared for both children since birth while Troy went on business trips for weeks at a time, would never put her children in an unsafe environment." Damn right I wouldn't.

"Bringing children up in a household without a father figure is doing just that." Mr. Brown said.

"Is this a custody hearing or a gay bashing?" Mr. Batteto said.

I smiled again. He was right. Troy was making this all about Ashley and not about the fact that he was never there and I was the one that took care of the kids all the time.

The judge banged his gavel again.

"Approach the bench counsel." He said. Uh-oh. Trouble.

Both counsels approached the bench. The judge exchanged a few words and the trail proceeded.

"Do you have proof Mr. Brown that Mrs. Johnson and Ms. Davies are an item?" The judge asked.

"No your honor, only the conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Johnson."

"Which is hear say. That evidence is not to be brought up again. Understand?" Thank you judge Atwell.

"Yes, your honor." Ha! Take that Troy! Now he has no case at all.

"Your honor, with out that evidence Mr. Johnson has no case against my client. Mrs. Johnson has been the sole parent in the upbringing of these children. She has been to every dance recital, every game, every teacher parent conference, every PTA meeting, Mr. Johnson has merely been the bread winner." Mr. Batteto was right. The only thing Troy did for us was money related.

"Is there anything else Mr. Brown?" The judge asked.

He looked frazzled. He didn't know what to say. I'm guessing that he intended on coming in here and bashing my character because of whom I chose to love. That was his entire case. Ha.

"Well your honor, um... you see your honor we..." What is it Mr. Brown? Cat got your tongue?

"Mr. Brown, either you have more evidence or you don't? Can you prove that Mrs. Johnson is an unfit mother or not?" The judge asked, looking a little frustrated.

"No your honor." Mr. Brown admitted.

"Well I have no other choice but to grant full custody to Mrs. Johnson pending an agreement that Mr. Johnson will have visitation rights on the weekend, and every other holiday and birthday. Do you accept opposing counsel?"

Mr. Batteto looked at me. Do I? Hell yeah!

I shook my head yes.

"Mrs. Johnson accepts your honor."

"Good." The judge banged his gavel and it was over. I got full custody. I couldn't believe it.

Take that Troy!


	20. It never felt so good

I got full custody of my kids and I couldn't be happier.

We're back in L.A now. Ashley, Troy Jr., Megan and I. Happy as ever. I can't believe how this has all turned out. I never imagined things would go so well at trial.

"Mommy, where's daddy." I look down at my daughter. My precious little girl. Its been over a month since she's seen him. He missed his weekend, again!

He keeps giving me this he has to work and can't look after them this weekend so he'll get them next time.

And just think, he wanted to get full custody of them. He can't even take care of himself, let alone two children.

"Sweetie, your daddy couldn't make out here this week so he's going to come down here next weekend. Okay?"

"Okay, mommy. I love you." She smiled.

"I love you too sweetie." I said placing a kiss on her forehead. "Now go get your brother and you two go wash up dinner is almost ready. And tell mama Ashley to come help me. Kay?" Yes, my children are calling Ashley, mama Ashley. I mean its only right since I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

"Kay mommy." She said running off to do as I asked.

Life just couldn't get any better.

_"Ashley, who do you think you'll spend the rest of your life with?" We''re sitting alone in her room watching Buffy, the question has been in the back of my mind for the longest time now._

_"I don't know." She sits up on her elbow and looks at me. "Why? Who do you think you'll spend the rest of your life with?" I knew the answer to that question, or at least, I wish I knew._

_"I don't know. I mean, I'm not even dating anyone. At least you have Aiden." She laughed a loud ha. What did I say that was so funny?_

_"I am so not spending the rest of my life with that goof ball." She said laying back down on her back. "He's just here. Now."_

_"Oh." I thought they were in love. I mean they've had sex. I thought you only have sex with people you want to spend the rest of your life with. At least, that's what my mother told me._

_"If you had to choose one celebrity to spend the rest of your life with, who would it be?" What kind of question is that? I don't know._

_"Um, I'm not sure. Who would you choose?"_

_"Sarah Michelle Gellar."_

_"Huh?" She's a girl._

_"As Buffy of course." Still doesn't change the fact that she's a girl. "I mean, I know she's a girl but as Buffy she's so kick ass that I really don't care."_

_I don't know why I didn't see it right then. Why I didn't know that she was gay. Why i didn't see what she put right there in my face to see. I was oblivious._

_"So, now that I've told you mines, who would you choose?" I'd choose you. Any day, everyday._

_"Mark Wahlberg."_

_"Ewll. Really?" She said turning back over to look at me._

_No. But he'll do._

_"Yes. Now shut up because Buffy is totally about to dust that vampire." She smiled at me then laid back down on her back and focused back on the T.V._

_I laid there, staring at her for a minute. If only she knew. Hell, if only I knew._

_I wanted to be with her. I did._

_But it went against everything my family brought me up to believe._

_My mom would disown me. If she didn't die of a heart attack first._

_I wanted to tell her. Scream it at the top of my lungs._

_I LOVE YOU! BE WITH ME. LOVE ME BACK._

_I turned from her, looking in the distance, out the window, at nothing in particular. Just wishing. Hoping, needing to feel something. Needing to know what these strange feelings meant._

_I pushed it all out of my head._

_"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN! Did you see that Spencey, she kicked the shit out of him! That's my bitch." Ashley yelled. Good thing her parent's weren't home. She tended to get a gutter mouth when she watched Buffy._

"Spencer, honey." Ashley snapped me back to reality.

"Hey." I said realizing the pot in front of me with the broccoli was boiling over.

"Where'd you go just now?" She asked, turning the eye on the stove down.

"Nowhere." I said. "Nowhere." She kissed me and grabbed some plates from the cabinet. There's no need for me to go anyway else ever again. I have everything I need, right here.


	21. Our family his kids

"Mommy, where is daddy?" Troy Jr. asked me.

We're waiting at the airport for him. He was supposed to be here 2 hours ago and the airport hasn't made any announcements about his plane being delayed so im assuming he isnt coming... AGAIN!

"I don't know sweetie, maybe his plane got delayed." I hate lying to my children but they're just too young to understand what's really going on with their father and me.

"Oh." He says a little dejected.

This is the third time Troy has flaked on coming to see his children and quite frankly I'm sick of it.

I pull out my phone and call Ashley.

"Hey baby, is he there yet?" She asked me immediately.

"No." I tell her. She sighs. "How is Megan?" I know that she was really excited about seeing her dad.

"She hasn't stop saying, 'Is daddy here yet mama Ashley?' since you guys left." See this is what pisses me off. He gets their hopes up everytime and then disappoints them.

"Well I'm pretty sure he isn't coming so could you find a way to let her down easily please." I tell her and I can hear the frustration in her voice as she says a quick 'sure'.

She hates when he does this as much as I do. She loves Megan and T.J as much as I do.

I hang up and throw my phone into my bag.

"Come on sweetie. Daddy's not coming." I tell T.J and I can see his face fall and how disappointed he is.

We began walking towards the exit, T.J looks back one more time.

"DADDY!" T.J breaks loose from my hand and runs towards the terminal.

I turn around and see none other than their no good rotten daddy.

"Hey there champ. How you been?" Troy asks T.J as he scoops him up in his arms.

"Good daddy. I missed you." Troy Jr. says as his dad puts him down.

"I know champ. I missed you too. Where's your sister?" Troy asked looking around.

"She's at home with mama Ashley." T.J said pulling his daddy towards me.

"Mama Ashley huh?" He says shooting daggers at me.

"Damn right." I say sternly.

"You have my children calling your damn lover mama Ashley?" He asked slash yelled.

Mostly yelled though.

"Yep." I say and start walking towards the exit. He doesn't deserve anything else. "I have you set up at a hotel about 2 miles from our home. I'll bring the kids by later on today and pick them up in the morning. I also have you a rental car in case the kids want to go out or something." I tell him.

He rolls his eyes. Probably upset that I don't need him anymore. Ha! I told him.

We leave the airport and I drop him off at the hotel and go home to pack up T.J and Megan's things.

"So he's here now? I just got Meg to stop crying." Ashley says as she sits down on the bed next to the bag I was packing.

"I know baby. I really thought he wasn't coming. I'm sorry." I say throwing a few more of T.J's shirts into the bag.

"I had to promise her ice cream Spence, and I never go back on my promises. We're going out for ice cream." Ashley said, putting her hand in the way so I couldn't put anymore clothes in the bag.

"Ashley baby that's fine. You can take her out for ice cream tomorrow. They're only going to be gone for one day." It wasn't about the ice cream, Ashley hated being away from the kids for long periods of time.

It was actually pretty cute.

"Fine." She said. A small smile breaking out on her face. "I'm just going to miss them." She admitted.

"I know." I say smiling at her. Man do I love this woman. "They love you baby. Troy can't change that. Okay?" She always said that she was worried that once Troy finally did show up for his visit he would try and and turn the kids against her. I assured her that could never happen.

They adore her entirely too much.

"K." She says in a small voice.

"I love you, too." I say leaning over and kissing her.

"And I love you." She says deepening the kiss.

I'm not really sure how I got here but right now my back is against the wall, Ashley is in front of me attacking my neck.

Shirt...gone.

Pants...gone.

"Ashley, honey... wait." I try.

She's not hearing me though.

And I don't blame her. We haven't really had sex in a while.

You know, having a real family now takes a lot of time and effort. Not really anytime for the type of sex Ashley and I like to have, especially with kids in the house.

Oh shit! The kids.

"Ashley wait, I need to take T.J and Megan to their dad's." I Tell her trying to push her off me so I can get off the wall.

"One more minute." She moans into my ear.

MY weakness.

I stop fighting and let her continue to attack my neck.

I'm getting entirely too turned on and I know that if I let her continue then we're going to go all the way.

And we can go for HOURS.

Hell, days.

I'm pushing her off me again.

"Ugh! FINE!" She yells in frustration. I know how she feels.

"I'll be right back." I tell her throwing back on my clothes and grabbing the bag off the bed and running to get Megan and T.J.

We leave and I go to drop the kids off, I got to get back to my woman!


	22. Think I invented sex

I didn't even make it to the stairs before Ashley was attacking me.

Ripping off my clothes... garment by garment.

I love this side of Ashley. It's so damn hot.

We're making our way up the steps clumsily because she won't release me from her grasp.

Once we make it up to the room she throws me on the bed ripping off her clothes in record time.

I can tell she's super aroused because her eyes are the darkest shade I've ever seen them and she's not saying a word.

Just stripping.

Did I mention how fucking hot she is right now?

No?

Well I'm telling you now.

You're welcome.

She's on top on me now. Attacking my lips.

Both legs on either side of my waist.

Her tongue brushes my bottom lip, asking to deepen the kiss, and I part my lips to allow her access.

My hands move up from her waist to cup her face, I haven't felt this is so long.

Not that I'm not attracted to Ashley every second of every day. It's just that it takes a lot for me not to jump her every time I see her, so I try not to picture a naked Ashley often in order not to get myself worked up.

Got it?

Okay, moving on...

Her lips move from my lips down to my neck and over my collarbone to my hardened nipples. I grab a handful of hair as she circles my nipple with her tongue then sucking on it.

Effectively driving me more insane.

"Fuck baby, that feels so good."

She switches to my other nipple as her fingers play with the one her mouth just left.

She starts to kiss a trail down my stomach to my now soaked center.

I moan at the contact and Ashley looks up at me and smiles.

She positions herself comfortably between my legs before taking a long lick of my center causing me to scream a little louder then I intended.

She begins to circle my clit with her tongue, me lifting my hips at the contact.

I'm not sure if I was just really horny, or Ashley is doing things to me that I've never felt before.

And let me tell you.

It feels damn good.

She lifts her head and I let out a small whimper.

She crawls up my body and I can feel her wet center pressing into mines as she lays her body on top of mine, reconnecting our lips in a lust filled kiss.

I can taste myself on her tongue.

So fucking hot.

I love when girls do that, Sidenote.

She trails a hand back down my body making sure to run over my hardened nipple eliciting a small moan from me.

When her fingers reach my folds, and I can't help but gasp into her mouth at the contact.

She slowly strokes my opening with one hand as the other plays in my hair while her lips are attacking my neck.

I know right! My baby is so good at multi-tasking.

Her fingers move up and down until she finally stops at my clit, circling it, officially sending me over the edge.

She moves her body down so her head is situated between my thighs, and takes another long lick.

I can feel my orgasm building and I know I'm close.

Damn, so close.

She moved her tongue up and down my opening and at this point breathing is becoming a problem.

She wraps her lips around my clit and sucks hard while teasing it with her tongue.

She then drags her tongue back down through my folds and wastes no time plunging it into my center.

My eyes dart open and I moan loudly when she strokes her tongue in and out my center.

I know now that it won't be long become I come.

She stops her tongue movement and looks up at me and smiles.

God, she's so fucking beautiful.

She makes her way up to my face and places a soft kiss on my lips and whispers, "I love you so much baby," before entering me with two fingers I think.

I let out a strangled cry as she moves her fingers inside of me.

As her fingers stroke my walls slowly, I know I'm close, but I... I want... scratch that I need more.

I can barely form the words to tell her what I need..

"Baby, I.. I.. shit.. I need more baby!"

Her lips move from my neck where she was attacking to my ear and I can feel her hot breath as she speaks. "Tell me what you want baby."

Her words... fuck.. they create a new rush of wetness to my center, and I know she can feel it on her fingers.

She smirks then kisses me, and I'm panting hard into her mouth.

"Harder baby... I need you... faster please." I breathe out.

She complies.

Stroking her fingers in and out of me much harder and much faster.

My walls begin to contract around her fingers and I know she knows I'm close.

After a few more strokes, my body explodes in ecstacy as my orgasm rushes over me.

I'm sure Ashley will have bruises on her back because I'm gripping her as though my life depended on it.

She continues pumping into me until my orgasm subsides.

When it does, she pulls out of me, breathing heavily, and lies on top of me with her head on my chest.

I catch my breath and I look down at her she's looking dead at me smiling.

"What?" I ask smiling. Words can't even begin to express how much I love this woman.

"Marry me Spencer."


	23. Never Let You Go

"Marry me Spencer" Is all that keeps replaying in my head. I've waited so long to hear those words.

"I.." I start but she cuts me off.

"Look, I know you just finalized your divorce with Troy and things are a bit crazy right now but I love you Spencer and I have since I was eleven and I wanna spend the rest of my life making you happy. So before you answer maybe I should do this properly." Ashley smiles at me then gets up and walks over to the nightstand and takes out a small black box.

She's naked btw.

Mmmhmm.

I know right.

"How long has that been in there?" I asked a little surprised that I hadn't found it before now.

"A while." She smiles as she replies. "Spencer..." She gets down on one knee. I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything but her naked form. "Will you make me the happiest person in the world and spend the rest of your life with me?"

I smile before practically leaping off of the bed onto the floor and embracing her. "Yes baby, yes I'll marry you."

She giggles and puts the ring on my finger. "I love you so much." She whispers in my ear then places a small kiss on my neck.

I shiver then reply. "I love you too baby." She lifts me up back onto the bed and... well you probably already know what happened after that...

Four more times to be exact.

On to more important things...

"I want to have it in the Fall mom not the Summer." We're at my moms, yep she knows about the wedding. Actually she was the first person we told.

"But honey it's so much prettier outside in the Summer." She argued her case, but honestly nothing is gonna change my mind. And plus Ashley already agreed to the Fall but I'll let my mom keep thinking she has a chance to change my mind.

"OK mom I'll think about it." Ashley shoots me a look. I mouth 'Not really' to Ashley and she just laughs.

"Good. Now do you two know how big of a wedding you guys want?"

"Yeah mom, we kinda want a small wedding. Friends and family only. No media." I tell my mom.

"Yeah, we don't want the tabloids to get a hint of this cause they"ll be all over it. I can see it now 'Daughter of the dead rockstar Raife Davies to wed a girl?' I don't want or need any of that in my life."

My mom and I both look at Ashley and burst out laughing.

"What?" Ashley ask throwing her hands up defensively smiling.

"You are so nothing like your mother." I tell her.

"And that's a bad thing?" She asks me, smiling.

"God no." I reply matching her smile.

"Just checking."

"Okay girls, enough with the lovey dovey we've got a wedding to plan." My mom interrupts our staring contest.

"Right." We say in unison.

"Spencer have you told your dad yet?"

Oh shit, how could I forget dad.

"Watch your mouth young lady."

"Oops, I said that out loud?" Ashley shakes her head at me smiling. I give my mom my best innocent smile. "Sorry mom."

"You're forgiven. But I'm not sure your dad will be so forgiving how could you forget to tell him Spence?"

She's right. "I don't know. I guess it kinda just slipped my mind."

"Well you better get on the phone and call him right now."

"I got a better idea. Ashley, you up for a trip to Ohio?" I smile.

"What about Megan and TJ?"

"They're coming too. My dad has been asking to see them anyways."

"Won't Troy ask questions?"

"Yeah, and I'll have answers. He should know that we're getting married. And you know what else I think, I think you should file for adoption of TJ and Megan, so if anything happens to me, you can be there for them and Troy can't take them away from you."

"Spencer, I..."

"You don't have to say anything yet, just think about it and let me know."

"I don't need to think about it. I love TJ and Megan and I would love to adopt them." She finishes with her amazing smile that can brighten up anyone's day. "I love you and I love them and I would love to be a real family with the three of you."

"Ahem," my mom clears her throat.

"The four of you, including your mom." Ashley adds.

"Thank you." My mom smiles.

"OK baby. So lets go get our kids then. Mom I'll call you later OK."

"Okay honey, call me as soon as you land."

"Okay mom, I will."

We say our goodbyes to mom and we're on our way.


	24. Authors Note

Soooo I know it's been like forever since I posted on this story and with only one chapter left. Blah. How dare me? Well it's safe to say I'm back and that's with all my stories so If you guys are still interested I'm gonna post the last chapter sometime this week so be looking for it.


	25. All these Lives

We're in Ohio.

I gotta admit I kinda missed it here.

Not so much the life I had with Troy, but just my friends and family here.

We get settled into our hotel room them head over to my dads.

"Hey dad." I greet him as we enter the house.

"Hey sweetie, hello Ashley." He says hugging her. "And where are my gran-"

"Grandpa!" Megan and Troy yell as they jump into my dads arms.

"Wow." My dad says barely able to hold the both of them up. "You two have gotten so big. What are they feeding you out there in California." He smiles at Ashley and I.

"You know. All the good stuff." Ashley smiles.

"I bet."

"Megan, Troy go see what Bobby is up to upstairs while Ashley and I talk to your grandpa."

"Okay mommy." They yell as they make their way up the steps.

"So what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit from my favorite daughter?" He asks as we make our way into the living room.

"I'm your only daughter dad." I say as we sit on the couch.

"Right." He smiles.

"Mr. Carlin." Ashley starts.

I didn't know she was gonna do it.

"I wanna ask you something."

"Okay." He says directing his attention to Ashley.

"I love your daughter." She starts, eliciting a smile from me. "I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. And I have since I can remember." This causes my dad to smile. "I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. And those kids. I love them so much in such a short amount time that I can't imagine not having them in my life either."

"That's the one thing Troy got right." I interject. Getting a laugh from my dad and Ashley.

"Mr. Carlin, what I'm trying to say is, I don't want to think about being with anyone else cause I'm happy right here with Spencer, TJ and Megan and I wanna be this happy forever. So I wanted your permission and blessing to marry your daughter sir." Ashley finishes with the release of a deep breath.

Aww. She was nervous.

My dad is smiling at her.

I guess he expected this.

"You know." He starts, getting up and walking towards his book case. "I always knew about you two." Ashley and I share a look. " I knew that one day Spencer would come to her senses and realize that trying to be someone she's not just to please society... and her mother wasn't a life worth living." He pulls a picture out of a book. "I've had this since you and Spencer were in the eighth grade." He said handing us the picture.

"Oh my God." I say looking down at the picture. It was a picture of Ashley, Aiden and I before our eighth grade prom. My mom insisted we take a million pictures before we could leave. She was convinced that we'd all come home with stains all over out clothes.

_"Okay this is the last one." My mom says as we all pose for yet another picture._

_"Mom." I know Ashley and Aiden were sick of posing._

_"It's okay Spence. She just wants to remember this moment forever. "We all do." Ashley says looking directly in my eyes._

_"Okay, say cheese." My mom says. But Ashley and I didn't hear her._

_We were in our own world._

_*SNAP*_

_"Oh no we have to take that again. Spencer, Ashley, try looking at the camera this time."_

_"Okay mom." Ashley and I say._

"What were you thinking?" I ask Ashley.

She takes the picture outta my hand and looks at it.

A smile appears on her lips.

"I was thinking how beautiful you looked. And as much as I loved Aiden, I wished it was just us going to prom."

I smile.

"I knew that you two would come to your senses. And I'm glad. I've never seen you so happy Spencer." My dad says.

Oh shit.

I forgot he was even here.

"So yes Ashley. I give you my blessing to marry my daughter. Under two conditions."

"Okay."

"I get to walk both of you down the isle. And you promise to always take care of Spencer, TJ, and Meg no matter what happens."

"Ofcourse." Ashley smiles. "I promise."

"Good." My dad smiles. "Now the both of you get over here and give this old man a hug."

Everything is so perfect.

I've never been in a better place in my life.

Now to tell Troy.

* * *

I waited until the very last day of our trip to tell him.

Not sure if it was because I wanted to make sure I'd be getting on a plane directly after telling him or because I just didn't have the guts all week.

I don't know what I'm so nervous for.

I love her.

And nothing can change that.

I guess maybe in the back of my mind I'm thinking about how hard Troy could make it for Ashley to adopt TJ and Megan.

"You think I'd have expected this." Troy said taking a seat on the couch looking dejected.

"I love her Troy. And I'm sorry about how things happened between us. But I love her so much."

"I can tell." Wait what.

I've just come to the realization that he's not yelling.

He's actually talking to me like I'm a human being.

"I would really like it if you'd come." Would I, really?

Is that asking a little too much of him?

"I don't know Spencer." He tells me standing up. "You know, I loved you from the first moment I saw you." He starts, walking over to me and placing a hand on my cheek. "I just knew I had to have you. That I had to make you my wife. And I did. I got the prettiest girl at Ohio State to go out with me."

Troy and I met at a party my Junior his Senior year at Ohio State.

He was popular, handsome, smart, funny, well liked, when you think about it he was the perfect guy.

Just not the perfect guy for me.

"Troy-" I start.

"Wait let me finish. I never imagined that you'd say yes when I asked you out that's why on our date I was a stumbling fool. I was so happy to just have you, even if we didn't go out again after that I was happy with having you for that one night. But we did go out again, and we got married and we had two beautiful children. And now you're telling me that you wanna marry someone else and you want me to be there watching while you do it. Does that seem fair to you Spencer?" He asked in a calm voice.

"No. I suppose not." I look down at the ground.

I never thought about it that way.

"I'll come." He says suddenly. I look at him. He's not mad or happy or sad. I'm not really sure what emotion he's showing right now. "But not for you, well not you entirely. I wanna see Megan and TJ in the wedding. Since they weren't born when we got married."

I give him a small smile.

"Thank you."

He smiled and hugged me. "You're welcome."

I guess this means we'll be civil from now on.

It feels good to know that.

* * *

A/N: I wanted to make this the last chapter but decided I wouldn't throw the wedding in with it. So the wedding will be the next chapter. Thanks for seeing this story out. It means a lot.


	26. So High

_Yay, It's the final chapter. Finally! I really hope you guys like it. It took me a lot longer than I anticipated to get the chapter out and it didn't end up being as long as i thought it would be. Idk if this matters but I listened to the songs in this chapter as i wrote them and it made it so much more enjoyable... just a thought. :)_

_Songs used: Here I am by Beyonce and Marc Nelson and So High by John Legend._

_Soooo here you go._

_Enjoy._

* * *

_Spencer's POV_

It's the day of the wedding and honestly I couldn't be happier.

Yeah, it was fast but I've loved her since I could remember. This isn't fast enough if you ask me. I just can't believe the day has really come. I'm gonna marry Ashley Davies. The girl I've loved more than half my life.

As much as we wanted that Fall wedding.

We both just wanted to be married, and fast so here we are.

"You look beautiful." I turn around and see my mom standing in the doorway. I smile when I see her. I know my mom and I haven't always been on the best of terms and she hasn't always been the greatest mom, but she's here now. And that's all that matters.

"I'm so happy mom." I tell her as she walks over to me.

"I know." She smiles. "Look Spencer-" She starts, taking my hand, leading me to the bed to sit down. "I know that I haven't always been the greatest mother, not like how I've always imagined myself being you know. But I love you Spencer, you're my baby girl, my only daughter." Tears began to fall down her cheek. "All I've ever wanted for you is for you to be happy. To find someone to love unconditionally that loves you back the same, and you did, and I'm so happy for you. I love you so much." She engulfs me in a hug.

Leave it to my mom to make me cry before the wedding and ruin my makeup.

"I love you too mom. I'm so glad you're here." I really am. I couldn't imagine going through this day without her.

"Okay." She says standing up wiping the tears from her eyes. "Let's get you married." She smiles.

"I need to redo my make up." I laugh wiping my mascara from my eyes.

"No you don't, you look beautiful."

"Daddy!" I yell and run over to him.

"Hey sweetie, I'm sorry we're late."

"It's fine daddy." I say kissing him on the cheek.

"They're ready to start Ms. Carlin." The wedding planner comes in and tells me.

"Okay. Thank you." All of a sudden my nerves wanna kick in.

"Everything's gonna be fine." My mom assures me, rubbing circles in my back.

I guess she could tell. See why I need her here?

"I'm gonna go take my seat." She says kissing my forehead.

"Kay." I smile, squeezing her hand.

"I'll see you out there." My dad says repeating my mom's actions.

I'm so glad they're both here.

I walk over to the mirror and retouch up my make-up.

"I'm gonna marry her. I'm finally gonna marry the person I truly love." I say aloud to myself.

I must have stood there longer than I thought.

"Are you ready?" I turn around and see my dad smiling at me.

"Yeah." I say walking over and taking his arm.

_Ashley's POV_

I can't believe that this is happening right now. I'm finally gonna marry Spencer.

Happy is an understatement to my feelings right now as I stand here and wait for her to emerge from the house.

We decided on a simple backyard wedding. No media, no cameras, only us and our closest friends and family. Simple and small.

As everyone makes their way down the aisle I can't help but smile.

Little Megan is such a pretty flower girl, although she's taking big handfuls and throwing them in one place. Still cute.

And Troy, wow, he's so handsome.

They cue the bride's song and I know that Spencer is about to come out.

Breathe Ashley Breathe.

"_Here I am, looking in the mirror. An open face, the pain erased. And now the sky is clearer. I can see the sun, now that all is all is said and done" _Beyonce sings through the speakers as Spencer emerges out of the house.

I have to tell myself to breathe again when I see her cause she's the most beautiful site I've ever seen.

"_There you are, always strong when I need you. You let me give, and now I feel, fearless and protected with the one I will love, after all is, all is said and done."_

The song continues to play as she makes her way out of the house with her father on her arm He'd asked to walk both of us down the aisle and that's what we both wanted but I decided I wanted to be at the altar when she walked down the aisle instead.

_I once believed that hearts where made to bleed. Inside I once believed that hearts where made to bleed. And now I'm not afraid to say I need you. I need you so stay._ _With me, with me, with me baby."_

We make eye contact and she gives me the most loving smile. I love this woman so much. We don't break eye contact as she makes her way towards me, towards our future, together.

"_In these precious hours, spend each hour in open arms, And dream into, tomorrow. Wheres there's only love. After all is, all is said and done."_

I've never wanted anything more than what I have right now.

"_Inside I once believed that hearts were meant to bleed. I'll never, I'll never be afraid to say I need you, I need you so here."_

She reaches me just as the song is ending. I can feel the tears starting to build in my eyes.

"_Here we are. Here we are. In the still of this moment. Fear is gone, hope lives on. We found a happy ending. For there's only love, and its sweet sweet love, after all, all is said and done. Yeah baby. After all is, all is said and done._

"You may be seated." The pastor says and everyone takes their seats. "We're gathered here today to witness the holy matrimony between Spencer Carlin and Ashley Davies. These two women have found love in each other and would like to express this love between friends and family."

After the pastor says about a five minute speech on the importance of love, family and marriage it's time to say our vows. "Ashley and Spencer have decided they would like to recite their own vows today. Ashley." The pastor says giving me the floor.

Aiden tries to hand me a piece of paper with my vows on it, but I smile and he gets it. He's both the best man and the maid of honor by the way since he's both me and Spencer's best friend.

"Spencer, love of my life." I say grabbing her hands. I can feel the tears building again, I said I wouldn't cry. "We've been through so much in this little time since reuniting after ten long and hard years of being away from you, but in this little time I've realized that life is so precious and you never know how much time you have on this earth, so seize the moment, and cherish every single one you have, especially with the person you love. And I love you Spencer. You're nothing short of my everything. I, sometimes sit and think about that first day in sixth grade when we met, what if there hadn't been an empty seat next to me, what if I hadn't spoken to you, there's so many what if's? But then I realize that I'm right where I wanna be, and everything happened the way it was supposed to." I stop and take a breath cause I'm crying freely now and I don't even care. "I got the girl, you're all I need in this life Spencer. You and those kids are my life and I can't imagine this any other way." I smile as she wipes a tear from my cheek. "That's it." I laugh through my crying which gets a laugh from everyone in the crowd.

_Spencer's POV_

"Spencer." The pastor says signaling that it was my turn to speak.

I smile at my soon to be wife who is trying to control her motions but failing miserably. I think it's cute.

"I had a hard time writing my vows to be honest, not because I didn't know what to say but because, I didn't feel like there were any words that would do justice to the feelings for you." I take a deep breath before continuing. "I've loved you, Ashley, for as long as I can remember. The first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew. I mean, I didn't envision all the hiccups along the way but I always pictured myself here, in this moment with you." I glance out into the crowd and smile. "I'm so glad we get to share this with the people we love." I look back at Ashley. "I love you Ashley and I'll love you until the day that I die." She gives me that nose crinkling smile. I can't help but lean forward and kiss her.

"Ahem." The pastor clears his throat. "It's not quite time for that yet." He smiles at me.

"Sorry." I smile.

"The rings please." Aiden grabs the rings off the pillow Troy Jr. was holding and hands one to me and Spencer.

"Ashley do you take Spencer to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do you part?"

"I do." She says then smiles at me.

"And Spencer, do you take Ashley, to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do you part?"

"I do."

"With the power vested in me, by the state of California, I now pronounce you, wife and wife. You may now kiss the bride." He smiles at us both and God have I been waiting to do this.

Everyone burst into cheers as I finally get to kiss Ashley as Mrs. Spencer Carlin Davies.

The Mendelssohn wedding march plays as we all exit.

_The Reception _

"I love you." Ashley leans over and whispers in my ear. We're at our table watching our families dance and laugh and enjoy themselves. It's one of the best days of my life.

"I love you more." I smile as I kiss her.

"Okay, Okay." The DJ stops the music and says. "It is now time for the Brides to have their first dance so clear the dance floor." Everyone makes there way off the dance floor.

We're at this really beautiful club in downtown LA that Ashley just haaaad to rent. I can't complain though cause, it's amazing.

"May I have this dance?" Ashley stands up, holding out her hand for me to take.

I take her hand and she leads me to the dance floor.

Ashley spins me around and into her as the DJ starts the music.

"_Baby since the day you came into my life. You made me realize that we were born to fly. You showed me everyday, new possibilities, and proved my fantasy that love could really be." _

"I'm so happy to be here right now." Ashley whispers in my ear.

"_Let's go, to a place only lovers go. To a spot that we've never known. To the top of the clouds we're floating away. Oooh this feels so crazy and oh this love is blazing, baby we're so high, walking on cloud nine. You got up so high. My shoes are scrapping the sky._

"I know." I smile. "Me too." I say as I snuggle into her neck.

"_Maybe later we can go up to the moon. Or sail among the stars before the night is through. And when the morning comes we'll see the sun is not so far and we can't get much closer to God then where we are."_

"I love you so much." I look up and see that Ashley is crying.

"What's wrong baby?" I ask, wiping away the tears.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing."

"Then why are you crying baby?"

"_And oooh this feels so crazy and oh this love is blazing. Baby we're so high walking on cloud nine. You got me up so high. You got me up so high. You got me up so high my shoes are scraping the sky. You got me up so high, you got me up so high, you got me up so high, my shoes are scraping the sky._

"Cause I'm just so freaking happy to be here." She finishes with short breath's, the kind you get after you've cried really hard.

I smile and kiss her.

"I love you so much baby. And I'm right where I wanna be too. Right here with you."

"_This is how, love supposed to be. Yeah. This is how, this is how love, supposed to be. Lets go to the moon baby. Lets go to the moon baby. Yeah. Lets go, go, lets go to the moon baby. So high." _John legend song finishes a little too soon. But then I remember we have forever.

Everyone starts to clap as Ashley and I make our way back to our seats.

_Clank, clank, clank_

Aiden taps his wine glass with his knife to get everyone's attention.

"As the Best Man and the Maid of Honor." Everyone laughs. "I hope you don't think you're getting two speeches outta me." He smile and everyone chuckles again. He looks down at Ashley and I before speaking again. "I've known both these beautiful women for almost half my life, as long as they've known each other, and as everyone knows, Ashley and I used to date in high school." Ashley glares at him, not sure where this speech was going. He clears his throat and continues. "Moving on." He smiles. "To make a long story short. I knew that Ashley and Spencer would end up together. If you would have asked the two of them that 20 years ago, I'm not sure you'd get the same answer. But either way, I'm glad we're here now, today. To celebrate the love that they have for each other because it's amazing. Through everything that they've been through, to be here now, together is the most wonderful thing in the world. And I am so happy for them. So let's raise our glasses and toast to, true love." Aiden finishes holding up his glass.

"True love." The crowd chants as they do the same.

"True love." Ashley smiles that nose crinkling smile at me.

The night goes on and we have our father/daughters dance. Yes, my dad danced with both me and Ashley. It was great. It was the best wedding I could have ever asked for.

I love my family and my friends.

And now I can live a happy life with my wife and kids.

_The End.._


End file.
